had I known
that I would spend hours wishing for peace

that every morning I would lay in exhaustion and count
all the minutes until the phone rings

as it always does at 5:55am

i'd run back to the place where



wasn't measured in the stolen minutes of quiet
I so desperately crave

nor the years of familiar loneliness that I'd choose over this
unending cycle of guilt and selfishness

but the hours I could stay away from you


without a hint of remorse.

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