You kids and your fancy-schmancy 3D computerized RADAR. Back in my day, we had a weathervane on the roof of the barn and the farmer's almanac. Hell, we thought we were living the high life when we finally got indoor plumbing, electricity, a tele-vision screen and an antenna. Nothing but fond memories of all of us huddled around that flickery, crappy, eight inch screen, watching the farm report or news about how we beat the Hun again.

See, even though we finally had all the luxuries your uncle's insurance settlement could buy, we still had it tougher than you kids ever did. Half the information we got wasn't accurate or was days old by the time we got it. Especially that goddamn ground clutter, jest hearing them words still makes my asshole draw up tighter.

Now back then, this feller named Doppler who musta been twice as smart as that hack Marconi came up with a way to tell what the hell was going on with the weather by using radio waves. My memories about it are fuzzy, but i bet you kids could read all about it on that newfangled "world wide interweb" i hear so much about. Anyway, when we got to see them maps on the TV, there was always some scattered rain showing up, but there warn't actually rain. That was ground clutter foolin' them radio waves.

See, when that big 'ol antenner shoots radio waves into the sky, they spread out all over the place in all directions. Well, there ain't just rain and such in the way of that radio wave, right? Damn right. So all this other stuff sometimes reflects that radio wave. Barns, tractors, big hills, Farmer Johnson's dump truck (he thinks he's so rich), pretty much anything will reflect some of it. Well, some of that gets back to the antenner and shows up on their scope. But that ain't rain, remember? It's stuff sitting out on the ground, all cluttering up their picture on the screen. Ground clutter.

It was always hell, tryin to figure out what on the TV was rain and what was jest ground clutter. Fortunately, ground clutter never comes back with a real strong signal. It's always kinda weak and puny-like, which helped. Also, cousin J-Bo pointed out that rain and weather moves across the screen, but ground clutter don't move at all. i was wondering how Farmer Johnson always had a small shower right in the middle of his corn field. Turns out it was that damn fool's seed drill.

Now then, i'll give the first one 'a y'all younguns a nice shiny nickel if'n y'all help me find my teeth.

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