When I was in A-school during my first stint in the United States Navy, our barracks room had to be waxed with a floor wax. If you were at the top of the best room list you were able to get out of some obnoxious minor duties like picking up cigarette butts in the parking lot. Yes, this was that long ago.

The floor wax that the military provided was crappy and cheap, manufactured by the lowest bidder. If you polished your floor with that you ended up with a clean floor that was more matte than glossy. My roommate happened to have a nice hot rod Lincoln and knew a trick to get our floor tricked out.

He used some old Johnson paste wax for cars, but first set it on fire in the metal tin. It stunk bad, but the resulting wax ran out like a melted candle and was easy to distribute over the floor. Instead of using the buffer pads that the Navy had in the closet, he wrapped it in an old t-shirt. We had shine on our floor that was a foot thick, plus it was a hard shine. Walk on the Navy wax and it would get footprints. We could've run our whole room through fifty car washes and it would still shine, although sleeping on a soggy bed could be squishy.

We were exempt for the whole year from doing the annoying grunt work because our room was always the best by far. 

Iron Noder 2017

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