Being born in November, most of the chaps I tottered around with in my youth turned 21 before I did. In addition, I had been skipped ahead a grade in grammar school, so I was definitely on the waiting list for some time while my associates loaded up on liquor at area establishments. Sure, there were adventures with fake identification and sneaking in back doors, but when illicit entry was made, one could only concentrate on not getting caught. It was not until I was fully legal and ready to enter into this brave new world of drunken louts and the girls who turned up their noses at them that I was introduced to the bizarre ritual known as "elbow tit."

"Well, let's get some drinks, find a base of operations, listen to the tunes and get us some elbow tit."

My friend's statement baffled me, but I did not have an opportunity to question him as we were fighting our way through the mass of people gathered in front of the bar. The band was just starting their second set, so communication was incredibly difficult at this juncture. I began to wonder if I had heard my friend incorrectly. Elbow tit?

Our group this evening consisted of four young, randy men between the ages of 21 and 23. My friend Nick and I had been elected to go to the bar, and once we achieved four mugs of frosty beer from the bartender, we returned to our associates with a beer in each hand. I walked behind Nick, still learning how to get through the crowd, and noticed that his stance was a bit strange. He was holding the two beers up fairly high, almost above his head, with his elbows bent. As he passed a young lady, he would bump into her. The bump would not be awkward or rude. It was more of a gentle, almost graceful, brushing which I assumed was an effort to convince people to step aside so we could move through. I was incorrect in my summation. He was getting himself a healthy selection of elbow tit.

Yes, friends, you understand correctly. The purpose of the game of "elbow tit" is to "innocently touch as many breasts as possible with your elbows over the course of the evening whilst in a crowded club or bar." Soon after, I came to believe that Nick had invented this game for his own twisted pleasures. No such luck. Long after Nick and I had gone our separate ways, I found new acquaintances revelling in the same unholy delights. Imagine my concern when a new friend in Orlando, some 1,500 miles away from Nick's home base, asked me after a concert "Get any good elbow tit tonight?" Nearly fifteen years after my first introduction to this savage, neanderthal concept, it was coming back into play. I raised an eyebrow and tried to recover from my surprise at learning this game might be universal. Then I told him, "No, man, I'm too advanced for that. I go for knee tit."

And so, the moral of the story is... well, there is no moral of the story actually. Regardless, young ladies be aware! Should you find young men coming towards you in a bar with an elbow raised away from their body and they brush that elbow against your chest in what appears to be an accidental fashion, you have just provided him with a "score" in the game of elbow tit.

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