said in drunkin' australian accent

well if you'd believe it there are these cork soakin' snakes slitherin around all over the place, and they're kind of getting on my nerves eh, you know? and they koind of slither aroond and they sort of really, they get up in your shorts. and ya cant stand it when they're up there cause they koinda sort of, really like to lick your leg, and it kind of tickles. so you sort of, shake your leg but then they, kind bite ya, cause of, they're instincts. i learned that from the crocodile hunter. you gotta watch out for those guys, and uh, you can't shove them up your nose. cause it, uh, would, koind of hurt. just like that, you know?

said in really really bad english mixed with australian accent

actually we were talking tonight and it came to my attention that there's an amazing job opportunity just outside of town here. it's eh, uh, a cork soakin' job, see what they need is someone to soak some corks. you know? it's not the best job, it pays well, and you have to watch out for dirty corks. dirty corks'll get ya every time. you gotta clean corks first, you have to put some plastic of sorts over the corks. some corks are a little odd.. in shape you have to weed through and dispose of those accordingly, because they koind of slow production down. it takes longer to soak those quirky corks, you know? they hold out longer, that is to say they kind of uh, they don't absorb the cork soaking liquid so well.

this is the really cork soakin' crazy freakin' node. and now, how to make basic gravy:
          4 teaspoons of boiled meat drippings
          4 teaspoons of flour
          2 cups of hot water
          salt and pepper to taste
     pour off excess fat drippings from skillet
     or roasting pan. add one half to one cup of
     boiling freakin' hot water. boil to loosen
     browned bits (resist urge to laugh). combine
     four tablespoons of boiled drippings, and
     four tablespoons of flour. stir over heat 
     until smooth. while stirring, add two cups
     of hot water. and salt and pepper to taste.

this makes two cups of basic gravy. this isn't
any sort of hi-tech gravy, just basic, run of
the mill gravy.

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