nothing falls apart completely while i am in charge, nothing is breaking down while i am in control of this reality. and i was in control until you chose to toss aside that glance (or was it that word) in my direction, careless of the afliction it would wrought to the one in reception..

i didn't notice that this body was falling to pieces, that i was living in piles of ruins. only a few days ago, looking in the mirror & seeing everything, not simply the reflection, but seeing the culmination of years of thoughts, events, circumstances starring back in my face, did i understand what they've been trying to tell me through hinting, inadvertant phrases..

what's wrong?
are you
really ok, dear?
you look so... broken.

but the damage, done so slowly, was never realized as it was perpetrated. now, though, looking back, i can see how splendidly, how masterfully you pulled those strings apart which were holding me together so weakly. it was music, dark & tenuous.. how you played the right notes at the perfect times, hit all the pitches with perfect aim, made those tremolos warble with the sadness of a million souls crying for the act to cease, desist. all in darkness, never revealing hidden intentions behind eyes so clear of any abhorance, so pure in delight of all goodness.

you were not so tricky, and i not so swift to perceive. but we encouraged the other to pursue further his inferiorities.. and we ended up both broken, amazed & disgusted at our pasts.

you must have been, at one time, beautiful to have caught my eyes and i must really be something special to deserve such manipulative & complete destruction.

"i try to leave but you follow me.
you break my mind in a subtle way.
i guess i'm just a casualty of entertainment."

-The White Octave

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