Also known as the Chicken Run...

Actually, there is a somewhat formal process when the reigning Frank Perdue has been called to the great beyond. Most of the responsibilities fall on the person who has been designated as the "chicken heir," a sort of chief of staff or aide de camp who will get all of the affairs in order.

Is He Dead Yet?

That would probably be a good thing to know. Tradition has it that when the time comes, the chicken heir is the one that has to certify Frank Perdue’s death. In the days of old, this was done by calling out the name by which the chickens themselves address Frank three times and asking him if he is dead. If there is no response, the Frank Perdue has his forehead pushed back and a little bit of coffee is poured into his mouth. If that doesn’t cause him to stir, the chicken heir then declares him dead.

I’m guessing that in today’s world and with the advent of modern medicine and equipment, something a little more scientific might take place. But then again, we are talking about the world of chicken. After all, who can say for sure what goes on behind closed doors?

Anyway, after that, chicken heir informs the Chairman of the Board who then goes and tells the chickens that the Frank Perdue has been called to the sterling silver chicken coop that awaits all Frank Perdues in the next life. The chicken heir then locks and seals the hen house, This is done in order to prevent any unscrupulous people from getting their hands on the Frank Perdue's personal papers. The Rooster’s ring that bears the seal of the Frank Perdue is also broken and will later be buried with him. This is done to prevent any forgery that might take place on documents that bear the seal of the Frank Perdue after his death.

The corporate suits that are on hand then determine, in accordance with the Frank Perdue's wishes, how the body will be displayed to the mourning public and to make any other funeral arrangements that need to be made. The Frank Perdue will be buried anywhere from four to six days after his death.

Oh, another thing. There is no autopsy performed on the Frank Perdue. I don’t know why that is but over the years, this had let to many a conspiracy theory and speculation when a Frank Perdue dies sooner than most folks thought he should have.

Who’s In Charge Here?

Good question. All of the corporate suits employed by Perdue Farms Inc. that are in charge of departments within the farm are suddenly out of job when the Frank Perdue dies. It’s not like they have to go pounding the pavement or scouring the want ads but it is more of a precaution to ensure that they don’t decide any important matters until the next Frank Perdue is chosen. Some folks manage to keep their job though. These mainly have to do with confessional matters various chickens would normally bring before the Head Rooster. You see, the theory behind that is that the door to tender chicken should always remain open.

Once again, the Chicken Heir takes center stage.

Even while the Frank Perdue is alive, the Chicken Heir has the authority to make commercials on behalf of the Frank Perdue. Even though the Board of Directors are the ones technically running the show, the Chicken Heir is the one calling the shots. During that time, their powers are limited. No monkeying around with the rules governing a Perdue election, no appointing of new roosters and no making of decisions that would normally be made by the incoming Frank Perdue.

His most important duty though is the ordering and organizing of the conclave. That’s when the roosters and the stockholders are called to Perdue Farms Inc. in order to choose a new Frank Perdue.

It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken...


Highly questionable ones at that.

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