Two Gentlemen on Veronica

Front lobby of our dot-com. The box of DONUTS sits unattended on the RECEPTION DESK. In the background, the decorative fountain is empty, but still surrounded by yellow police tape.

Enter HELMUT, who sidles up to the donut box.

With this syringe and caustic cleaner's soap
I'm almost ready, and can only hope...
Success! Banana creme! The perfect tool
To hold my grim surprise. Warnings dire
On soap container label make me think
This should be over quickly, and I hope
With minimal horror for all concerned.

HELMUT moves to stage right, a light comes on to show NERDQUO working at a terminal.

Nerdquo, my friend! Why do you work so hard?
No longer are we ruled by that blowhard
What of curvaceous lady friends online?
Oh, by the way, the cops left this behind.
Banana creme.
Thanks! I'll gladly scarf it down because
I've been swamped here, working without pause.
The site's aflame! We've had a million hits.
The T3's strained, the server's having fits!
News of old Probo's death has hit the wire.
It made Slashdot and now we're fighting fire.
We should have killed him months ago, it seems.
They're buying up our merchandise in reams!
It's better than those banner ads so dear
I think we're saved! Helmut, have no fear.
Our labor's not in vain, they know us now.
This donut's awful, Helmut. Anyhow ...
Oh my god, Helmut, something's wrong with me!
My stomach hurts, and now I cannot see!
Ack! I've been poisoned! Quick, call 9-1-1!
Are you there Helmut? My god, man, please run!
I fear it's too late. Bitter irony!
Those profits rolling in, I'll not see.
Are you there Helmut? You're my one true friend.
I'm fading. Mommy! Please, don't let it end!

NERDQUO collapses

Irony indeed, and now, forsooth
I'll hide the body with the trade show booth
To repose undisturbed 'til Comdex looms
Or liquidation sale, or other dooms
befall iToyz. This would have been a blip
In any case, Nerdquo. Now, here's a tip:
Slashdot effect can't save us, as it's said
By experts that "the Internet is dead."
Just as you are, my friend. Now let's away!
I'll be in Mexico by end of day.

Exuent HELMUT with NERDQUO's body

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