Sometimes it begins as the nagging thought that wouldn't let me sleep the night before. Sometimes it comes in a dream or from a specific memory that the dream elicits. Sometimes it comes from the mere act of waking up, with the inevitable reminder that you are alive and all that it entails (death, taxes and other demons).
In any case, you are always,
- five minutes early (which means you have to run to make the most out of this lucky strike),
- just on time (which means you have to run because you can't afford to meet the unexpected), or
- five minutes late (which means you have to run to minimize the inevitable rush hour traffic)
And so, that little monster just sits behind your ear, alone. Granted, it can't feed on your negative emotions, but you don't make it go away. Standing in the hot shower, you get relaxed enough to give it a minute or two of thought, while your muscle memory washes your body, but soon you have to leave because the spouse/kid/roomie really has to go and you promised you wouldn't hog the bathroom. Out you go. Grooming, maybe some breakfast and off you go, into the madness of public or private transport. It's hard to think about it while also trying to emotionally and physically fit between all these people. Can't cry there. Not in front of the boss, not during lunch, not during meetings.
Go back home.
Soon it dawns on you. It's still there and your biggest allies (daylight and supportive company) are gone. You're on your own now. Maybe you're better off holding down the fort, resisting the siege. Tomorrow will be different.