There's always one. You go to a concert; your favorite band is playing. But it's not that simple - there's gotta be filler. After all, you couldn't just have the best band in the building go right up, could you? Wouldn't do.

So you recruit some other bands. Usually, they're not bad - after all, people are paying money to attend. But there's always one act, the act no one has any interest in. The makeout act.

If you find yourself getting bored during this act, as you no doubt will, and you decide to go for a walk, step outside and you will be astounded. Couples everywhere - as far as the eye can see. Standing in corners, huddled in the grass, sitting on benches - making out. All of them. Unlucky is he who would attend a venue that doesn't let you walk out - Suddenly the floor, the back and sides, are littered with writhing human bodies. A sight to behold.

I, of course, have had my own experience with the makeout act - it was at a Catch 22 show, if you must know. We ran out and found shelter from the cold in modern art - a large metal sculpture with a curved base which could just accomodate two bodies. We came back in just in time.

My own aborted attempts at playing music are long over, but if I ever have a band, I'm calling it The Makeout Act.

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