"Why do I feel so frustrated and tired?"

It's probably because of the bad electricity that you're using!

Current-generation power stations generate electricity primarily by burning coal and oil. They are fossil fuels, made up from dead animals and plants. They give off pollutant carbon dioxide when burnt. Power stations then vent these harmful pollutants into the air you breathe! Meanwhile, the staticky electricity creeps into your house and saturates its walls with negativity.

That's disgraceful. These black, filthy substances are better left safely undisturbed underground. Digging up what should be left buried? Burning the dead to provide electricity to the living? The world needs something safer. You deserve something cleaner. Something that's good for your karma.

You need radiant energy!

Radiant crystals are a revolutionary new source of clean, natural energy.

In the late 19th century it was discovered that certain special rocks and crystals (mostly rocks) are more cosmically-attuned than others. These crystals were found to radiate natural energy in all directions. But it wasn't until the 1950s that it was discovered just how beneficial this energy can be. Thanks to modern studies of the quantum nature of reality and the inexplicable mysteries of the universe, it's now possible to bring that energy right to you!

"How does it work?"

  1. It starts with exploration of nature! We travel to the most remote and exotic corners of the world, and use groundbreaking new dowsing methods to identify and unearth individual radiant crystals.

  2. Alchemical methods are used to distil and refine these raw crystals into a safe, consumable form.

  3. Using advanced trigonometry and numerological methods, the crystals are placed into the most harmonious possible alignment. These "energy arrays" are aligned to produce a vast, soothing aura of positive energy. This positive chi bestows warmth on everything nearby, fomenting positive, beneficial change.

    Alignments such as these are completely natural and have even formed naturally in nature. Radiant crystal energy is even felt in space, where lifegiving cosmic rays from the distant stars wrap and coddle our planet with their love.

  4. Cool, purified water is poured through the spaces between the radiant crystals. Following the homeopathic principle of mnemonic transfer, the water then "remembers" the natural energetic properties of the crystals, and takes on radiant air-like properties.

  5. The super-healing vapour is "inhaled" off the crystals and wafts through a highly efficient home-made "inverse succussion" apparatus, which is based on the classic steam engine principles of yore. The engine in turn becomes excited with energy.

  6. Large magnets, whose healing properties are well-known, pull the radiant energy out of the steam engine and transfer it directly into the global, interconnected "energy grid".

  7. From the grid, positive, lifegiving chi is funnelled directly into your house -- as long as your feng shui doesn't funnel it straight back out again!

Remember: fossil fuel electricity is inherently staticky and evil. Radiant crystal vaporation harms nobody, and provides the clean, hypoallergenic energy that you deserve! It's cheaper! And best of all? It's suitable for vegans!

<TenMinJoe> "Nuclear" makes people think of "nuclear bomb", it's a scary word.
<sam512> Let's make it sound like a natural herbal remedy.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.