Disclaimer so I don't get injured or worse:
This is not my story, it was told to me at work a while back by a friend who shall remain nameless, partly because of privacy and mostly because of memory loss. This story does not in any way condone the action of destroying innocent equipment, even if it is made by Tandy and is evil.

Once upon a time, my friend happened to be looking for a cassette deck, but he was having trouble finding a decent one in his price range. One day, however, he happened to be passing a Tandy electronics store and, lo and behold, there in the window was a cassette deck by a respectable company. He thought about this for a second, but decided he didn't mind where it was sold if it was this brand for this price. Eagerly handing over his hard-earned cash, he walked home with a smile on his face, he'd bought a decent product from Tandy. Or so he thought...

He opened the box to find a cheap Tandy deck staring back at him. He looked through the rest of the contents of the box. The manual was for the right brand. Yet for some reason there was a Tandy cassette player in it. As it happens, Tandy had recently acquired the company, along with the rights to use their name. Now at this point, as you can imagine, my friend was getting rather pissed off. He'd been conned into buying a cheap tape player by Tandy's evil marketing. There was no way to return it, there was not a single defect in the product. That's when the flash of genius hit him. There wasn't a single defect in the product... yet.

He had recently been playing around with some electronic equipment and just so happened to have a spare power cord. This was quickly stripped of its plug end and insulation, leaving two free wires with which to cause mischief. Opening the case, he quickly spotted four microchips. From there it was simple, choosing diagonally opposite pins for the positive and negative wires, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, repeat. After the last microchip had been zapped, he replaced the case and tested the audio quality. The sound was somewhere between garbled screeching and over-distorted guitar.

Returning the tape player was an easy matter.

Friend: I'd like to return this tape player.
Complaints: What's wrong with it?
Friend: I had it for only two days and listen to the quality, it's awful!
Complaints test this and agree that it is, indeed, shocking.
Complaints: Well, we can replace it.
Friend: You're kidding me, so it can sound like this again in two days?

And thus, he was refunded in full for the tape player, found a better one made by an actually respectable company and never bought anything from Tandy ever again.

The End

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