As I walked into the local hair place
today, I noticed an elderly woman
walking out. She wore a smile and wished me good Christmas tidings
. I noticed the staff then, two gentlemen, staring after her with a kind of bewildered
look. I proceeded to have a shampoo
and was describing the style I wanted when one of the barbers says,
"I just can't believe that old woman drowning
I kind of looked up at that and was treated to a recounting of what this eighty-five year old woman had apparently told them. She had three squirrels living in her attic
and had become concerned that they were going to somehow eat the wiring up there and perhaps burn the house down. So she managed to catch them and as she described it, baptized
them. Which is to say, she drowned them.
Now I was somewhat shocked by this, as I think was everyone else, so my barber changed the subject by telling a story of how he was once bit through the fingernail
by a squirrel.
One comment I remember quite clearly was, "Well if they can crack a nut
like they do, I guess a fingernail's not that hard".
His counterpart's reaction started a diatribe I'm not likely ever to forget. He says, "The squirrel cracked your nuts?"
The conversation degraded at that point into talk of cats attacking your nuts
and then dogs attacking your nuts (this actually happened to one of them supposedly).
Meanwhile, myself and the other patrons
in the place were looking at each other uncertainly
After a few more minutes the talk was of how someone one of then knew had managed to get hoof marks
on his back from being assaulted by a calf
. One of the patrons then remarked that he once had a dog that used to hump pillows
The other barber then told a story of a doberman he once had that had freaked his entire family out in the middle of the night by moaning
and wailing. They thought someone had gotten in the house and was attacking the dog. When the barber investigated, however, he was greeted by the sight of the dog going to town
on his kid's Barney doll, the dog wailing in ecstacy and Barney singing, "I love you, you love me
Aside from the inappropriateness
of much of the talk in the hair place today, I was quite amused. I'm not sure I'll ever go back there again, though...