Spoilers abound in this troubled city. Be
warned.
I must be the only person in the world who was
disappointed with this movie.
Well, not quite. Out of the the 167 reviews currently
listed on the movie-review
aggregator Rotten
Tomatoes, only 10 are bad. Still, that's only 6% of
the total. Besides, I don't really think it's a bad
movie
per se, I just don't think it was that
great. Certainly not up to the level of
the original.
First of all, I found a lot of the dialogue corny and
stagnant, and worst of all, out of character. The most
grievous example of this was
Aunt May's
speech about heroes. Not only did it pretty much come
out of nowhere (the unsubtle pretext of the kid who
missed Spidey notwithstanding), but it simply does not
sound like the simple, beleaguered old woman who's
ever-clueless about her nephew's
secret identity.
(Of course, it seems to have mostly been put in so he
could repeat it to
Doc Ock, thus bringing the movie
to an unsatisfying anticlimax; I suppose she was just
in a convenient place for it.)
The plot twists brought on by Spidey's fading
superpowers were also a source of annoyance for me.
Granted, we get a bunch of sadistically humorous falls
on Parker's part ("I'm back! I'm back!"
*fweeeee-CRASH* "My back! My back!"), but the whole
thing
doesn't go anywhere. I haven't read
enough of the comics to know if this plotline was
explored in them, but there was a similar event in the
90's cartoon (the good one, not Spider-Man Unlimited)
- it was a season-spanning storyline called "Neogenic
Nightmare". Spidey learns that the spider bite that
gave him his powers had only begun its changes, and
his mutation was continuing to eventually transform
him into a non-sentient, anthropomorphic spider (the
"Man-Spider"). His search for a cure brings him into
conflict with the
X-Men, the
Vulture,
Blade, and
a host of others, and his failing powers nearly lead
to his death at the hands of the "
Insidious Six".
Nothing remotely like
that happens in the movie. We just see him losing his
powers and then mysteriously getting them back, with
no explanation of how it happened or what it has to do
with anything. The only thing that makes any sense to
me at all is that scenes like the doctor's office one
were meant to make us believe it was all in his head -
which is pretty weak.
Next, we have
Doctor Octopus. First of all,
Alfred
Molina was simply a bad choice for this role. I'm not
saying he's a bad actor, he just doesn't have the
right look or the right sound for the Doc. Octavius is
a reasonably well-built
German. Molina is an
overweight
Brit who seems to be trying
to emulate American speech, and that's what he sounds
like. There are other problems with the movie's
rendition of the character, but they can't be
attributed to the actor: For one, the origin given him
in the movie is simply preposterous. Granted, the
original story wasn't very scientifically sound
either, but at least it made some sense in the "logical but not probable" manner. There is no
reason why those robot arms would need
artificial
intelligence of the
Strong AI,
Human variety, and even if it did, why would it be
given a direct interface with Octavius' brain? It just
needs to receive signals from it and guide the arms
accordingly. Not to mention that his one-liners were
campy and stupid, something out of the 60's cartoon
(you know, the one where Spidey's catchphrase was
"Wallopin' websnappers!")... or the live action
Batman. (Everyone do the Batusi!) The sad part is
that Doc Ock really is a much better villain than the
Green Goblin, but in the movies the latter was a much
better antagonist.
Lastly, we have the foreshadowing with Harry Osborn at
the end. It's not that it wasn't well-executed; I
can't deny that Raimi did a good job there. It's
just... all the villains Spidey's fought, and for the
next movie they're going to give us
Green Goblin II?
I hope they're at least planning to have him *in
addition* to
Mysterio or
Electro or
someone. (Also, I realize Harry's not exactly in the
most sane state of mind, what with him hallucinating
and all, but wouldn't the revelation that his father
was the Green Goblin kinda make him understand why
Spidey might have killed him?)
Other things that irked me:
Junk science galore. I realize complaining about
junk science in anything comic-related is like
complaining about fat in fast food, but this got
ridiculous at points. "The fusion
reaction is self-sustaining... it can't be stopped...
unless... the river!" Hey, I just hope no whacko ever
sends some water into the sun, or else we're all
doomed. DOOOOOMED!
Okay, so Doc Ock's tentacles are nearly
invincible; but he's basically just a normal man. So
why is it that Spider-Man - by all accounts strong
enough to lift several tons - is unable to knock out
the guy, despite numerous blows to the head?
The goddamned screaming women. All concerns about
it being sexist aside, it's just annoying as hell
that in every scene with Doc Ock, there's some woman
screaming hysterically. In fact, I think Aunt May may
have been the only woman in the whole movie who didn't
do so. I mean, Jebus; if I wanted to hear a bunch of
people screaming like little girls, I would listen in
on a N'Sync concert, or whatever boy band is the
flavor of the month.
Spidey sure does show his face to an awful lot of
people. I find it hard to believe not one would rat
him out. (Even on that train - I know plenty of people
who are opportunistic enough to have taken his picture
or something, even though he nearly killed himself
saving their lives.)
I'm sorry, but I can't believe ol' J. Jonah
Jameson would ever admit that he was wrong, or that
Spider-Man was really a hero. Hell, "admit" isn't even
the proper word; he seems to believe his headlines
well enough, in which case he honestly believes
Spidey's a crook.
What the hell was that scene with the landlord's
daughter giving Peter some cake? What possible
relevance did that have to anything?
Some goofs: The cake mentioned above was supposed
to be chocolate, but was clearly yellow; and the
"webbing" that Spidey and MJ are hanging on at the end
is clearly some metal wire (a fence?) with white
string or something around it. And if that fusion ball
is so incredibly magnetic that it's pulling cars into
it from several blocks away, how are those metal
"generator" thingies not affected? And did anybody
else notice that after all Ock went through after the
bank robbery, he didn't come away with any money?
On the other hand, there are some things I *did* like
a lot about it:
On the whole, the action scenes were a lot better
than in the first movie.
Aunt May bashing Ock on the head (and thus saving
Peter) was just classic. Although you have to wonder
why she didn't think to act until right then... I
guess she thought it was a fair game until Octavius
produced the blade.
Stan Lee's cameo. I'm 99% sure that was him
pulling the woman out of the way of rock debris
during the last part of Spidey and Ock's first fight.
The Importance of Being Earnest was a very good
choice for MJ's play. Very topical.
I know it's a cliche, but I liked the end scene
where MJ ran out on her fiance and convinced Peter
that they should get together. At least Spider-Man
3 won't have all this teen/young adult angst
crap in it. Or at least, not as much...
With the exception of that one scene I already
mentioned (and it wasn't his fault anyhow), J.K.
Simmons is a great Jameson. I'm glad he got more
screen time this time around.
Anyway, like I said, it's not a horrible movie, but I
certainly wouldn't say it's better than the first. I'm
definitely getting it when it comes out on DVD, so
that... pretty much sums it up. Yeah.