Rules for getting older

Because we are all getting older, day by day.

"As you get older, never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart"
—Edward Cole

When I was in my twenties, an old chap in a Norfolk country pub said to me that his rules for good living were "eat well,sleep well and shit well once a day". Truly words to live by and since then I've done my best to live by them, but as i got older, changes in my body, abilities and metabolism meant that I had to add Edward Coles' words as a mantra. For some years now I've regularly sought out the bogs wherever am, because getting caught short on the way home was just getting too common. i always had a bladder the size of a walnut, but these days, urinary urgency happens with greater frequency and I'm tired of having to do the desperate potty trot whilst wrestling to unlock the front door.

Other rules I include are to confirm stuff I've done verbally: I tell myself, "i put my keys on the bookcase" on coming into the house, "handbrake on, lights off" on getting out of the car. I have to do a pat-down and recite the things I should have on me before I leave the house: "wallet, keys, notebook, pen, glasses, phone". likewise, double-checking my power supply is in the bag if I'm taking a laptop out with me. After my bladder, you see, my memory was the next thing i noticed letting me down.

Anyway, enough with that, how about getting ready to grow older than you are?

Stop fucking smoking

"But smoking looks cool!" Maybe, but you know what doesn't look cool? You on a stretcher in years to come being rushed into hospital after a heart attack. you in pain for weeks after open-heart surgery. Look up that writeup, they crack your sternum in two, push your ribs out of the way and operate on your heart. unpleasant to think about, isn't it?. You're left unable to push yourself up from bed, it's too painful to get a gallon jug of milk out of the fridge and you're left with a massive scar down your chest. Someone said to me "chicks dig scars"; that may be true, but you know what chicks really dig? Someone who's looked after themselves and hasn't set their lives back years through surgery that could have been avoided by simply not fucking smoking. This possibly includes weed, as far as I know the jury's still out on that. You've been warned.

needs an eye keeping on it, look out for sudden changes in your body's working; shortness of breath, changes in bowel habits and fatigue are all warning signs you should not ignore, even at a young age (and when I say young, I mean under forty.

Watch your mouth

By which I mean, look after your teeth and gums. Poor dental health can lead o all sorts of problems in later life, not limited to cavities, but going through neurological problems such as Alzheimer's (yes, this one surprised me too). Oral cancer and advanced vascular and heart disease are also possible outcomes. secondary benefits are a beautiful smile and the ability to eat more than soup for the rest of your life. Mind you, watch what you put into yuor mouth. Eat lean, being overweight is not always condicive with longer life for all sorts of reasons.

Look after your joints

Stretch. Do yoga or something. Swim. anything that will keep you mobile. Get a massage. Avoid chiropractic. As you get older you'll want to keep something about to relieve pain because joints and tendons do stiffen up over time. There are many things, but i have a CBD ointment a friend makes for me, and I rub it in if I get pain. It helps reduce swelling and feels good, but best not to get to pain in the first place. Stretch!

Take your supplements

Find a good vitamin and mineral supplement. Take it at breakfast, every day.

it isn't vital exactly, and you shouldn't rely on it being your only source of vitamins and whatnot (they should be coming from your food!) but I have been convinced that this is a little extra insurance, especially for certain minerals. I tend to eat mostly what I buy from the farmers' market, so much of it is produced within a hundred miles of me. Talking to a couple of soil chemistry specialists was enough to convince me that sometimes, the makeup of the soil (depending as it does on the local rocks) can be deficient in certain minerals, or harder for plant life to access; hence the benefit of taking supplements. But beware! It's also possible to overdo some trace minerals. I'm no expert in this field, so check locally with your local geology department and nutritionist. Don't blindly buy from your local store or from MLM brands like Herbalife, get some advice, but do it.

Plan finances

It's never too early to plan ahead. If you're in your twenties, guess what? You're still getting older and now is really, seriously, the best time to start. Retirement plans, saving for a house or even just building up a rainy day fund. I'd have been screwed had I not scraped and saved to create my several months' worth of backup funds; I'd have been unable to pay rent, and landlords hate that shit. I can't imagine coping with the aftermath of this while living in my car. Damnit, you are never too young to do this. As you read these words, you're getting older.

Hazelnut says re Rules for getting older: Oh yes. Other suggestions - "don't be a great fat wobble bottom all your life, it ruins your knees long term," and "getting falling down drunk every night is neither big nor clever."

Plan for the end

It may not be pleasant think about, but none of us are immortal. one day Death will come. Make a will. Make a Living Will. Let someone close to you know where to find stuff. Give someone trustworthy the information they need to access accounts and password vaults. Write it in a letter to leave with your lawyer. but do something. Have plans for someone to notify friends. I'm planning to ask someone here to communicate with the rest of the site, possibly by having a draft written with some farewell words.

There's plenty to think about here, some of which i admit I'm guilty of not doing over the years. Just don't leave it until it's too late. When should you start? Now; as I mentioned, you're getting older as you read this, and time and "time and unforeseen occurrence befalls us all"—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

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I was going to add some rules to this. A laundry list. Add in some of my own secret sauce, now that I have reached the ripe old age of 45. I had a few tips, mostly having to do with walking. I walk a lot. But after I thought about it, I wanted to share one rule I am pretty sure of, even if 45 isn't that old. And see, this rule isn't one weird trick or a protip or even a sage piece of wisdom. This is more of a rule like the law of gravity. This rule is going to follow you and be true no matter what you do. The only question is how you adjust to it.

So are you all buckled up? (Which, btw, is a tip for getting older). So here is the thing:
You will never do enough. You will never go enough places, know enough people, accomplish enough goals, and feel enough emotion to be where you should be. And do you know the real pain? If you did actually do everything you thought or felt you should, you would still feel the same thing. There will always be one more missed opportunity or broken connection or regrettable decision breathing down your neck. People around you will pass away, and a conversation you were planning to have will now be impossible. The world will change, and things you wanted to do won't be possible. Sometimes something will be there still but you can't access it in the same way. That new movie with cultural currency that you've been meaning to see will still be there, but you realize it is ten or twenty years old, and by the time you see it, the times that inspired it will be gone. At odd times, you will realize the world you are walking around in is half-full of shadows and ghosts---people and places and attitudes that you think are part of your environment but you realize have been gone and changed for a while. And then you realize that you might be one of those shadows and ghosts.

And I am not saying this out of despair. I am not saying this because I am living a life of quiet desperation. Over my life, I have done a lot of adventurous things, had real relationships with people, and generally lived a creative life where I was my authentic self. I don't feel this way because I "settled" for a comfortable job and never left my "small town" in Ohio. The other week, I walked for miles down a muddy trail in the Costa Rican rainforest to find the ruins of an ancient church. But when I get home, I still feel the action is somewhere else.

I start doing math in my head. I joined this site when I was 21. 23 years from now I will be in my late 60s. Will I still be here? My first heartbreak was when I was 14. When I am 76, will I still be wondering what would have happened if I had asked her to "go out" with me in slightly different words? When I look at the decades coming up, I wonder how far I am from the last conversation with my parents and family. And then I inevitably reflect that moment back to what I was doing just a few years before. It becomes a game and a torment.

And through it all, I just have to admit that I will never do enough, or say enough, or feel enough. The prize will always be a little out of reach. There will be one meaningful conversation that I will never get to have. There will be a perfect summer kiss on the beach that will leave me giddy and floating that will never happen, and even if it does---it won't be quite the emotion that I think it will be.

I think this is a rule. At least, I haven't met anyone who has escaped these feelings, or at least, no one has ever communicated a state of perfect fulfillment to me. But my question right now is what do I do with this rule. It would be an easy answer to say "acceptance", but it would be a false one. Some days I still wake up at 5 AM and think for a minute I am 25 and then have to remind myself that I am not. Sometimes I feel a panic as I see my life galloping away. But sometimes I do accept it, I meditate and think about what I am doing tomorrow. I feel myself as part of a bigger flow. Or I get something to eat and go for a walk.

I don't know what to say about the response to it, but I can say it is a rule of getting older: you will never have done enough.