As a pianist/keyboardist, my ability to impress chicks with my ivory-tickling skills is seriously hampered by a number of contemporary realities: As such, I have been forced to take up the guitar as a kind of gateway instrument (see gateway drug); it's a lot easier to lead a group to the piano in the other room to play "And So it Goes" (and maybe get the girls to sing a Sarah McLachlan song in chorus) after I butter them up with a rousing rendition of "I'll be", "Closing Time", "Crash into me" or some other easily guitarable song that might appear on the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack.

See also on the selection of musical instruments.

Of course, all this presumes that I have time to go to parties where I can do any of this; my indentured servant duties tend to interfere.


I was watching VH-1, or MTV or something and the guitarist for a band (no, I don't remember which one) said that there is only one reason anyone picks up a guitar for the first time, to get laid. Oh, sure, they learn to love the music, but when they first decide to pick up the guitar sex is the only thing on their mind.

As an ex-aspiring guitar player I agree.

Allow me to add a few more reasons about why playing the guitar will get women to have sex with you!
Anything to help an aspiring guitarist.
  • Play songs people will recognize from the radio. Radio == Cool!
  • Take a screaming guitar solo! It'll bring those girls to the brink of passion!
  • Remember, the smaller your guitar is, the easier it is for the chicks to dig your new Tommy Hilfiger apparel!


    I can't go on.This is the kind of thing that makes me want to pack my double bass full of C4 and take the next nationally televised music award ceremony hostage.

    Seriously, to someone who is trying their very hardest to make music for the purpose of opening their heart to an audience and communicating a their innermost feelings to them, these penis driven guitarists which are so common today are spam. They give all performing artists a bad reputation. They fill venues and keep people trying to be genuine out on the street. And God forbid anyone with a guitar try to communicate something.

    Quit wasting your time and give us all a fucking break. If you want to have sex, take out a personals ad and get the hell off the stage.
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