In general, video gamers
have grown weary of complex fighting games
such as Soul Calibur
, Street Fighter II
, and Mortal Kombat
. The difficulty and complexity involved in executing simple moves definitely places less experienced players at a visible disadvantage
. For example, a certain highly powerful punch in Marvel vs. Capcom 2
may involve a sequence of well over 12 button presses, and knowledge of these moves simply falls in the realm of gnostic
video game insider society. For those well outside of that realm, these games are impossible to master, and require far too much time and training to enjoy, particularly when matched against a far superior opponent.
The goal behind Punchfighter is simplicity
, and the ability to place all gamers at equal
footing. It is, in essence, a 2-D
fighting game that should be ported to all platforms.
Two characters, heretofore called Punchfighters on a flat background. The horizon
divides the blue sky from the red earth. The Punchfighters engage in a slow, grueling duel to the death.
Each Punchfighter shall be bedecked in a purple karate gi
, and have blue skin. Each Punchfighter should be made of no more than 32 pixels
Q: Wait! You mean that both Punchfighters look exactly the same?!?!?
Q: But why?
A: The goal here is to remove complexity! We can't go around creating different looking characters willy nilly! Imagine the chaos that would ensue!
Q: But how do I tell them apart?
A:You will have 412 available Punchfighters, each representing a world city, and each embodying the spirit of a local celebrity.
A: Such as?
Q: Well, there's Ted Kennedy from Boston, Massachusetts, Wesley Snipes from Hollywood, California, and David Duke from Mandeville, Louisiana, to name a few.
Q: You mean you have likenesses of Ted Kennedy and others painted onto the Punchfighters?
A: No, of course not, he will be a 32 pixel character with blue skin, and a purple karate gi. Haven't you been listening?
Q: Will all of the characters look alike?
A: Of course.
Q: Will all of the characters be celebrities?
A: No, of course not, there is the Minotaur Witch from Salem, Massachusetts, Michael Flatley, and Philip Glass, and Booker T. Washington, from Tuskeegee, Alabama.
Q: But Booker T is dead! And who's the Minotaur Witch?
A: Apparently, you're not listening... may I continue with the rules?
1. Move Left
2. Punch Left
3. Punch Right
Q: Wait, that's just three moves!
A: Simplicity! Ever read Burroughs? Ever heard of do easy?
1. Throw a punch, the sound "Dong!" is heard
Q: But what if I miss a punch?
A: The "Dong!" is still heard.
1. One succesful punch kills.
Q: I can't deal with this anymore, I'm leaving...
A: I thought that went well.. onto the song
The Theme Song:
Punchfighter! Slowly moving to the left!
Punchfighter! Slowly punching to the right!
Except when he's punching left!
The Theme Rap Song:
Punch left, Punch left, Move right
I'm getting ready for a Punchfight!
Now, there are plans for a Punchfighter console
, it will essentially have the best in latest video game technology, but it will need a special controller.
The Controller Buttons:
1. Punch Left
2. Punch Right
3. Move Left
Q: No stick?
A: Do easy, friend. Do easy.
Q: What about secret moves?
A: No place in this game, although, if you hit all three buttons at once, you might be able to perform the not-so-secret move of rolling with the punches.
Q: What does that do?
A: Allows you to move right... sort of.
Q: What if I kill all 412 Punchfighters?
A: You go head to head with Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan.
Q: Does he look any different, have any special powers?
A: The man regulates the prime rate! But, no, he has the same dashing purple karate gi and blue skin.
Q: Any plans for a sequel?
A: At the end of Punchfighter, Alan Greenspan rips your arms clean out of their sockets, and you become the Kickfighter!
1. Kick Left
2. Kick Right
3. Move Left
The Ad Campaign
Two kids, clean, multiethnic
, sit down at the Punchfighter console. Excited looks come into their eyes, as they cry:
Kid 1: I wanna be Wesley Snipes!
Kid 2: I wanna be Jigdancer Michael Flatley!
Cue up Punchfighter theme song!