I am at war
I have a full time job, a leash
around my neck, and
I try my best, but sometimes situations in my life prevent me from being the happy receptionist.
On one occasion, I called in sick while my boss was out, not to inconvenience her or her counterpart, but because it was necessary. On that such occasion I got written up and was told that I'm not to take a sick day unless I'm on my deathbed
Another occasion I had a pregnancy scare, my immediate action was to go to Planned Parenthood
at the earliest possible moment. I went, took the test, took the precautionary emergency pill, even though the test was negative, (don't even f*** with me "pro-lifers", walk in my shoes you'll feel differently). It took longer then I expected and my lunch hour ended up taking 2 1/4 hours.
I got written up, of course. (At this point I am at my "final 90 day warning".)
Now my boyfriend
is having a surgical procedure in a few days and naturally I want to be there to support him. Unfortunately right before I was ready to send the e-mail requesting the day off, the person who relieves me sent me an email stating that she was taking that exact day off. So not only am I unable to take the day off, I have to work 2 hours longer then normal. I hope I can make it through that day without bursting into tears
. I've thought of possible solutions, but it is hard proposing anything to my boss because she runs hot and cold all the time - catching her in the right mood is very difficult.
I am on icy
ground. There is no way I'll ever move up in this company, I've dug a hole
. However, this is the only stability I have right now and I'm trapped in job status hell.
The only way I will get a job I want is if I reinvent
myself entirely. I must throw away my standard of living and recreate it to support the possibility that I might be making less money to be happy, I might have to settle for less benefits, I might have to make alot of sacrifices and mental changes. I might have to force
myself to go to school with all the will I have left (a will which is deteriorating by the moment in this corporate environment).
I have been in the office setting to greater and lesser degrees since I was 16. If I knew it wasn't right for me then, I am beyond convinced that it isn't now. I went from a small office with 7 employees to a multi-national corporation with 20,000 employees in this city alone.
I feel dirty
. Wearing these "business casual" (read dull, boring, uniform-like, unbearable) clothes, to try to fit some sort of standard of clone
How does one achieve the balance it takes coexist in the world of work, and the personal world?
In a world of hypocrite
s, who really wins?
Somehow I have to take action, yet no jobs in the papers look remotely interest
ing, and the ones that draw my attention, I am probably not qualified for.