** NOW AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE!!
The hot new trend
that's rocking the nation
, it's masturpraytion!! Masturpraytion is straightforwardly enough the combining of two of the most profound human activities
-- that is, the combining of masturbation
Now there are different ways these things can conceptually be unified
, and probably most commonly what would arise in the mind would be praying you don't get caught whacking off
in a compromising position
. As in "doing some serious masturpraytion over cousin Sophie
's bikini photo
s on Facebook
, cause God
help me if I get caught whacking off to that."
But masturpraytion can be something far more serious
and meaningful than that: the paying of an humble homage
to our Creator
by joyously making use of the self-pleasuring capacity
) with which thou hast been blessed!! How strange
a thing it is that some imagine in the same (non-pleasuring) stroke
that there exists a Creator of our Universe which is at the same time omniscient
, and yet is especially condemnatory as to the reproductive organ manipulation action
of some of the hairless biped
s occupying the surface of a dustspeck planet
circling one amongst hundreds of billions of average stars
in an average galaxy
, in an average galactic cluster
, in what for all we know may well be an average Universe
. This is not to suppose that such a Creator takes no notice of humankind and other potential beings of comparable (and indeed superior) self-awareness, for that surely makes us interesting to partake of....
But consider again, the very nature of omniscience; for an omniscient being would (as was abundantly mathematically proved by Duke University physicist Robert G. Brown with his Pandeist Theorem
) effectively be a one-to-one information
map of our entire Universe, and so, would have to actually be
(or more aptly contain
our Universe); and so would have the full experience of our every moment of pleasure
, and indeed our perspective of those every moments. And so, it would be correct to conclude that in every instance of self-gratification, thou art sharing in the exactitudes of that experience with any omniscient Creator which might exist, and it is as such that our masturbation equals giving a handjob
And so, what better way could there be to venerate the awesomeness
of the entity
than to share with it the moments of pleasure which we may most intimately experience for ourselves? Well, except, naturally, by doubling that pleasure in the sharing of those sensations with a partner, for it is also proclaimed that those who "pray" together "stay" together.
* Yes, well naturally a masturbating girl would not be giving a "handjob," if such is deemed the "digital" companion to a "blowjob," unless you use the term broadly to address doing any such job by hand. But the effect is the same.