To:     Pfizer, Inc.
        235 East 42nd St.
        New York, NY
From:   Merrick Brown
Date:   Saturday, December 11, 1999
Re:     Viagra

To whom it may concern-

I would like to congratulate you on your creation of the drug sildenafil citrate (Viagra). Though I have only been using it for a week it has already changed my life tremendously. You see, I am an 18 year-old male who has been abusing Viagra recreationally with my girlfriend. About a month ago I bought 10 100mg tablets from an establishment in Las Vegas that sells "on line prescriptions". It was pathetically easy. On their webpage I filled out a few simple questions stating that I was a 59 year-old man suffering from impotence. I paid $140 for the pills in addition to a $65 "consulting fee". A few days later my Viagra arrived in the mail.

I originally bought it for use in conjunction with Ecstasy (MDMA), as I have found impotence to be a crippling side affect of this drug. However I wanted to first assay its effects on my otherwise sober body. I would have taken it the second it arrived in my mailbox where it not for my worthless girlfriend who had other plans. It was not until a few days later that I finally got to try it out. I had done a large amount of research on an appropriate dose. I visited various newsgroups (alt.drugs, alt.drugs.chemistry) and talked to some other people who had tried it. I concluded that a 50mg dose would not cause any sort of permanent damage. Initial trials proved this was correct. The onset of the drug was not unlike Ecstasy itself. I could actually feel the blood pouring into my groin. The sex that followed was tremendous. I noticed that it greatly increased my sensitivity, particularly in terms of 2-point discrimination on the head of my penis.

My female counterpart was also interested in trying your drug. However, previous experiments with a cocktail of experimental piperazines produced an adverse reaction in her body. I couldn't help but notice that your chemical has a piperazine ring lurking in it, so we decided not to press our luck.

Nonetheless I was excited by the success of this trial and I determined that it would be appropriate to use Viagra with MDMA. Research determined that MDMA is a CYP3A4 inhibitor and thus raises the concentration of sildenafil in the bloodstream by itself. Sources stated that cutting the dose of Viagra in half would be safe. I took 25mg 1 hour before the peak of 125mg of pure powder Ecstasy and 26mg of 2C-B (4-bromo-2,5-dimethoxyphenethylamine). I am sad to report this was not enough Viagra. In a fit of desperation I snorted the remaining 25mg of Viagra. My effort to achieve erection did not work. Though I had fun anyway, my suggestion to future abusers of this combination would be to simply take 50mg of Viagra initially.

The next day we decided to try your drug in conjunction with 5-MeO-DIPT (5-methoxy-diisopropyltryptamine), 17mg. It was a raving success. At the peak of orgasm I was overcome by the impression that I was shooting a 50-foot wide white-hot laser beam from my penis. There were strong overtones of Japanese Anime. The hallucination was quite entertaining.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for making all this reckless drug abuse possible. My girlfriend also wishes to extend her thanks for the hours of amusement your chemical has provided her. She says that the expression on my face was priceless. Your company has done a good deed. Viagra has reunited man with the one thing most valuable to him.

Congratulations all around.


Merrick Brown

this hardlink rescue by gamache. gleaned from the Lycaeum.

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