"It appears everything is in order, so I can now formally offer you the position of systems administrator." The older gentleman sat behind the desk and pushed a pile of papers towards me. I signed my name to each, one for insurance, a non-disclosure agreement and a beneficiary form. Afterwards, I was given my access card and shown to my new office. My desk was bare, so I asked my supervisor about the situation. He pointed me towards the system graveyard, and told me to pull out a machine and put it together myself. I entered the room and pulled out a machine, got it set up and I was ready to take on the new network.

A few weeks went by and I settled into my position. So far, there aren't that many lusers around here, and my job has been fairly easy. That is, however, until today. The phone rings.


"The mail server is down. Someone, not me, though, accidentally tripped over the plug. I plugged it back in and now it has a blue screen"

"Not you, huh? You know I don't like liars. I'll take a look at it and try to fix it."

I calmly walk down to the server room and let myself in. I'm greeted by Tim, the caller. Roger, a developer in the company, motions to me and mouthed the words "He did it" to me. Before I even began looking at the server, my blood began to boil. Rage built up inside of me, but again, I brought myself to a calmer place with the promise of retribution later on. Tim starts babbling things into my ear as I ignore him and focus on the mail server. I find that the loss of power caused the file system to go corrupt, and now I get to restore from last night's backups. I shoot Tim an evil glare and he leaves, but little does he know he'll be seeing me again shortly.

I finish restoring order with the mail server, and on my way out of the room I grab one of the old heavy duty keyboards we have lying around and take it back to my office. I call Tim and ask him to come over to my office so I can "talk" to him. Tim arrives and doesn't notice the paper covered floor, which I have conveniently placed. I look him right in the eyes as I rise from my chair.

"Why did you lie to me, Tim? I've had several reports that it was you who pulled the power cord out."

"I... didn't want to anger you. Besides, why did you have the server plugged into that plug to begin with?"

"Apparently you didn't read the memo I sent out about that being temporary, Tim. Do you remember what I told you about liars, Tim?" I glare right at him as I turn my back, gripping the old keyboard I brought with me with both hands.

"You..you..said you didn't like liars.. I.. I'm sorry"

Without another word, I swung the old keyboard as hard as I could at his head and connected. Tim let out a yelp as I noticed he was still breathing and semi-conscious. I beat on him with the keyboard, until he finally goes unconscious. Luckily my office is isolated, so I don't have to worry about people hearing things. I checked for a pulse. "Damnit, still alive. The lusers at this place are pretty hearty. I'll fix him". I drop the keyboard beside Tim's still-breathing body and grab the large spare monitor from the corner of my office, an evil expression crossing my face as I realize what I'm about to do.

Without another word, I took aim and dropped the monitor square on his head. Blood and brain tissue exploded as the monitor penetrated his skull, all the while I had a big grin on my face. Luckily, cleaning up my office was easy. I wrapped up Tim and tossed him in the trash compactor after I took a souvenir. I placed Tim's tongue in a box, which contains the tongues of the other users who decided they knew better than I did. I wasn't satisfied, however. I needed more blood, and I couldn't wait for another luser to mess something up.

I walk down the hall to the server room to do my daily check on the servers. I hear voices from inside before I swipe my access card, and already I'm plotting their demise. I walk in and see Roger and a few of his developer friends gathered around a server rack. The racks surrounding them were not securely fastened to the floor yet, as other staff have been moving servers around. "I wonder how many I can get if I shove that rack over onto them?" My thoughts are much more murderous than before, because I cannot trust anyone around here to tell the truth. Liars always set me off. I sneak over to an open server rack behind the group, aimed perfectly to take them all out.

I wait for the perfect moment and sneak over behind the rack. I give it a push, feeling the weight shift as it starts to tip over. The topmost server slides out of the rack and onto the head of luser number one, compressing his neck and snapping a vertebrae or two. The other lusers, and Roger, meet face to face with the rack as it falls on top of them, crushing them beneath the weight of the servers mounted within. I grin wider as I watch an arm become amputated thanks in part to the sharp edges of the rack. I check for survivors and noticed luser number three was still breathing. I grab another monitor, and with a satisfying thud I end his misery. I block off access to the computer room as I pull up floor tiles and shove the pile of humanity below the floor. "I just love raised floors in server rooms" I think, as I replace the pulled tiles. I reopen access to the server room and walk back upstairs to my office.

I stare into the screen of the network monitor and notice that there is a lot of traffic going to a particular website. "Hmmm, ok, I'll handle this." I grab one of the blade servers I was going to install later and carry it with me, thinking about the damage I'm about to inflict. I walk up behind the unsuspecting luser and notice him surfing the internet. Before I did anything else, I hear a loud buzz, pop and then a thud. "Someone found the electrified server rack" I think to myself. I raise the server up with both hands and bring it down with force, knocking the random websurfing luser to the ground. I pull his monitor off of his desk and drop it on his head, leaving my blood and flesh-laced calling card as I walk back to my office, gather my things and hop on a train heading west. "Electroshock therapy. Hmph, guess they need to rethink their methodology", I think with a grin, watching the landscape cruise by my window, a wake of death and destruction left behind. I carry with me one bag containing some clothes, and the box of tongues to serve as a reminder of what transpired here.

Another entry for this quest. Special thanks to Jet-Poop and Chras4 for guidance and critques.

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