A thoroughly nice guy who I once tried to kill.

Allow me to explain. I am not a gamer. I couldn't tell a kobold from a goblin. But I do find that hanging out at cons gives me an excuse to go drinking for an entire weekend with lots of likeminded people. This is why I have been in the bar at every con in Ireland for the past two or three years. Gaelcon is the biggest of all the cons. Gaelcon 99 took place the weekend of my 22nd birthday. Justin Achilli was the guest of honour.

By 2am, I had forced all my friends, all my enemies and several strangers to buy me drinks. I had enough alcohol in my bloodstream to kill an elephant.

Several of us walked together to where we were staying to have a bit of a party. Justin, who was drunk and in the mood to get drunker, tagged along with us. Our group was in awe - Justin Achilli, the man behind Vampire, was partying with us. Most of them were so stunned, they could barely speak.

I had never heard of Justin, or White Wolf. I could speak.

The conversation started badly. "Hey you work in the games industry, right?" I asked.
"That's weird. You don't look like a freak."

The rest of the crowd began furiously plotting how to get me away from Justin without actually pushing me out under a passing car. Meanwhile I continued expounding on my observations about how most gamer types look like mutants. And then came my piece de resistance.

Someone had given me a Magic life counter bead for my birthday (I didn't know what it was - I just liked it because it was shiny). I was playing with it in my hand. Justin noticed it, and asked me what it was. Not being the kind of person to turn down an opportunity to persecute a foreigner, I told him.

"It's a Leprechaun seed. You swallow it, and the next day Leprechauns shoot out of your ass."

Being drunk, I thought that this was absolutely hilarious.

"You swallow it and get Leprechauns, huh? Cool!"

And then he did just that.

Or at least he attempted to. Cat, a 5' 2" bundle of nervous energy, dived across me, rammed her fingers into Justin's mouth and pulled out the bead. Then she turned at me and screamed "STOP TRYING TO KILL THE FUCKING GUESTS!!!"

Justin and myself found the whole thing hilarious. We continued down the streets, hurling good-natured abuse at each other. Then I walked into one of the pillars outside the Olympia and gave myself concussion.

I haven't seen Justin since.

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