What's the most important thing in the world?
I'd love to write a piece of fiction here, but the words that are coming from my fingertips are those from my life. Maybe I'll chuck this in a daylog later, and write something different, when the words come to me better. Maybe. So, in the last few months, I've undergone hardship after hardship after hardship. Life has thrown pretty much every curveball possible in my direction. Well, possible for someone in my position: undergrad student with more stress than a stress ball and about five million neuroses. I've struck out with almost every single curveball, but that doesn't mean the story is over.
I don't have a job. I do volunteer work at my college. It's not easy, but I like it. It's also rewarding, and will be more rewarding eventually. As a consequence, work tends to come in piles. It takes me three-to-four weeks to deal with one pile of work, often climaxing in one big stressful day. It's like bashing myself over the head with a hammer, though. It feels good to stop, despite the fact that I can expect another pile to come along after the weekend. It's hard to imagine life otherwise. I'd probably be bored out of my skull otherwise, but on the other hand, volunteering for everything means I've often bitten off more than I can chew.
I haven't played a game of cricket since March. It's been that busy for me (plus it just happens to be held on exactly the wrong days of the week). So I've lost my main de-stressor. I don't have a gaming PC at all, since my motherboard decided it wanted to play funny buggers with me. So I've lost my other main de-stressor. I've lost a couple of people I bitch about my life to. They've moved out, moved away, changed floors. So that's another de-stressor I've lost.
I've made two decisions in the last five weeks. They've cost me at least four friendships. I'd say there'll be more, eventually, with current events being as they are. I'd also say that this stuff isn't going to clear up quickly. I was told earlier this year that if I want to keep this up, I need to stop caring about what other people think of me. That's not an easy task. In fact, perhaps I care way too much. That's not great, either. Call it self-absorbed if you want, but you kind of have to be if you want to become a better person overall.
So what's kept me going? Kept me happy, upbeat, positive, and still loving life? Apart from the never-say-die attitude and competitive nature that I possess, along with an overactive guilt drive (props to icefire for that line) that pretty much forces me to do the work I'm assigned to do, what keeps me going is the thought that I am, after all that, definitely not dead. What doesn't kill me doesn't necessarily make me stronger, but hell, it really does help.