You know you have messed up any serious relationship is when your realize that you have lied to someone that you are truly in love with. Not only do you then have to tell the person that you have just hurt that you lied to them. You have to then have the courage to tell them the truth.

Also you now have to work on building up trust in the relationship. We all know that it easier to destroy someone's trust in you, then it is to build up the same amount of trust.

I would like to hear anyone elses ideas and thoughts about this topic


I guess I would have to disagree that women are expected to make men work for knowledge. In any good relationship shouldn't both sides desire more knowledge about the opposite person they are with? Or is that just being too naive?

It is almost as hard to tell someone the truth outright, when all you've known is that women are expected to make men work for knowledge about women, or this woman in particular. To throw aside the idea that I have to manipulate the scenario to "get" him to ask the questions I want or the answers I have questions for but am not asking. How on earth is he supposed to know?

I never realized how many men put up with this blind walking in the dark with women, how they are often succumbed to figuring out how to extract information from women all the time instead of just having the women tell them what she wants to say.

This is almost, I'd say, more annoying and frustrating than lying, since it is still a deception. It is also really hard to discover this about myself now, to have a man in my life who refuses to be manipulated in this way. In one way, I am energized by the challenge; in another way, I wish he would just behave like every other confused male so that I wouldn't have to change this drastically and quickly in order to keep his interest. But, you know, I really can't help wanting that which is harder.

He is without a doubt, the hardest and most amazing entanglement I've gotten into in years. I am thankful alone that I met him. The rest is yet to come.

Good ways to know when you have really messed up your relationship

On a more personal note,
Nero: I very much understand where you are coming from. I'm not sure what you mean, because you say "realize you have lied to", in the sense that perhaps when you lied, you didn't know it wasn't true. That it was a realization that you changed your mind, more than that you consciously deceived. I'd think that as well would probably take a lot of courage to talk about as well, depending on the relationship.

Templeton: I'm sorry that you've had that experience: that you feel that you have to make other people work for information. Having ended not so long ago a relationship with somebody who did that exact thing, I can definitely concur that it is annoying and frustrating. It's probably that, like you said, for most people it's not that they enjoy manipulating other people, but it's an unconscious thing. The only way I personally could deal with the games and manipulation verbally and emotionally was to simply play dumb. That if they wanted to tell me something, they had to spell it out, clear as day, or I would pretend not to understand. Honestly, I think in part unless it was spelled out, I didn't understand because it was so obscured. Although that certainly forced communication to be clear and open, it was a harsh and awkward opening, and in a way, my method was equally as wrong...and those communication issues certainly (for me, at least), forced the end of that relationship.

Maybe I'm a communication whore, but I love a person with whom I can be utterly, blatantly, and completely frank. That I can tell them (and definitely vice versa) what I think about them, other people, life, love, philsosophy-positive or negative-and they will simply take it as my opinion and be willing to talk with me deeply. I love constructive criticism. There exists a kind of comfort and connection in that sort of communication, in that you need not worry what the other person is thinking, because they will tell you if it's important. That there are no topics that can't be discussed, and everything can be opened up and free. I don't pretend to know everything about myself either, and talking to other people about things I care about is as much a selfish desire to know myself as it is a selfish one to know them better. It could be that I am incurably naive, or that perhaps other people have different needs, but for me, I need the kind of person who other people refer to as "so blatantly honest as to be rude".

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