What we're discussing here are your garden variety hoes. If you live in some parts of Australia or Great Britain you may know them as slurries, slags or hussies. Whatever you call them, they perform a specific function. To fully appreciate the importance of this function, one has only to carry their own beer for a week. All hail the hoes!

Firstly, don't abuse your hoes if you want to keep them kink free.
Why you would want to do that, is anyone's guess; "kinks get the clinks" as my downstairs neighbour always used to say. I was never sure what exactly that meant, but he used to wear a ridiculously smart long furry coat everywhere he went and seemed to be very popular with the ladies, at least judging by the sheer number of them frequenting his apartment.

I will give you some tips that, if followed, will allow you to use even cheap garden variety hoes for years.

First, let me say that I haven't tried any of these methods, but worry not, they will work for others.

Hoes have a memory!

Once your garden variety hoes have had a kink, they will keep trying to kink and will persist to do so in direct proportion to the length of time they were left kinked and the severity of the kink. So how do we keep them from getting kinked in the first place? You could leave the hoes stretched out on the lawn during watering season, however, this must be an Ethiopian thing, as I see absolutely no reason for doing so. I believe the only way to keep a hoe kink free is to practice patience, love and positive affirmation. Don't smack your hoe, listen to them, don't interrupt with your 'solutions' and pay attention to what isn't said; to nonverbal cues.

As soon as my downstairs neighbour was retired (special thanks to Jim, our friendly white supremacist neighbourhood cop), I took over the business, but not before getting all the existing contract details. A notorious Mr. Brown was mentioned as one of the clients, and I was expecting trouble, instead, he ended up being one of my best customers, he even sent me a card, thanking my non-kinky hoes for treating his whip induced wounds and confessing that he really didn't enjoy the cattle prodding and erotic asphyxiation services provided by his previous kinky hoes.

It was suggested that you should drain your hoes. This is rarely required, as most hoes are self-cleaning. However, if your clientele consists mostly of necrophiliacs, you will need to drain your hoe. Start by placing the hoe on a slope and start coiling at the uphill end of the hoe. Coiling on concrete or clean grass will help keep the hoe clean and you are welcome to use a rag to remove nail clippings, mud or whatever, as you coil the hoe. If the weather is cold it is easier to coil after the sun has been on the hoe long enough to warm the hoe some, though you will still have to work through some rigor mortis issues.

Now we need to store or transport our kink free hoes. Laying them flat is best if there is space. If you are hauling multiple hoes, keep them separated, one in the bed, one in the trailer. Don't overlap them if possible. This makes it much easier to keep the hoes from getting tangled together, especially if they are the same colour! The same goes for storage. If you must hang a hoe up, use a curved hanger that supports the inner curve of the hoe. I have seen an old wheel used for a hoe hanger and that works well. A hook or any type rope will kink and ruin your hoes.

Finally, always remember, a twisted hoe is a kinky hoe

Thank you npecom for letting me ruin your write up

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