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The fourteenth story tells of how Eulenspiegel became sexton in the village of B├╝ddenstedt and how the priest shat in the church for Eulenspiegel to win a keg of beer.

More ecclesiastical adventures in a village which by now, one must say, comes across as not being very bright, except for the maid, who seems to be the only one who's onto our scoundrel. Observe our man Till inciting a member of the clergy to perform not just his religious functions but add some bodily ones too. 'Tis sometimes a thin line between a Mass and a mess.

After Eulenspiegel became the village sexton, he could sing loudly as was proper for a sexton. Since the priest, in the person of Eulenspiegel, once again had a sexton, he stood before the altar, put on his vestiges and wanted to commence Mass.

Eulenspiegel stood behind him and arranged his robe. Suddenly the priest broke wind so loudly that it echoed through the church. So Eulenspiegel said: "Sir, how's that? Are you offering our Lord this instead of incense?" The priest said: "What business is it of yours? This is my church. I have the power to shit in the middle of the church if I so please." Eulenspiegel said: "That should be worth a keg of beer to both of us, if you could do it." The priest said: "So be it."

So they bet with each other and the priest said: "Do you think I don't have the nerve?" And he turned around, made a great pile in the church and said: "There, Mr. Sexton, I win the keg!" Eulenspiegel said: "No, Sir, first we shall measure and see if it's in the middle of the church as you said it would be." Eulenspiegel measured and it was a full quarter foot short of the centre of the church. So Eulenspiegel won the keg of beer.

This made the priest's housekeeper very angry once again and she told the priest what she thought: "You will not let go of this mischievous knave until he shames you through and through!"

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English translation based on a German Project Gutenberg text.
Commentary added by writeup author.

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