The swear jar isn't working, so turn to the lighter side of cussing. Akin to replacement swear words is switching one letter or even multiple letters between two swear words, giving them seemingly harmless effect, only aiding to the cause of laughter. Working on one's technique takes careful non-swearing practice. Since I can't find a coined word for this practice, I'm going out on a limb and coining it myself: Wurse Cords. (Curse words) It just makes sense. However, it is liken to a spoonerism.

Bouche Dag

Fut the Shuck up Fother Mucker you Basshole Itch. Duck my sick. I'll tear the Nucking Futs off you! Soly Hhit Ducking Fumbass. Your mom is a Willy Shore with a Funt Cace. And your father is a Wucking Fanker and Ducking Fid a Pamn Drostitute with a Casty Nunt in a Fluster Cluck of Shat Bit. Too bad he wasn't a Woody Blanker. You have Boop on Palls from your Brotch Cutter after your borrowed your mum's Smatch Snegging Bouche Dag. And for the record, I do not like tiggo bitties.

Cucking Funt

Wurse Cords are similar to that of mixing two potent and deadly chemicals into one compound that renders them harmless. Texting services hardly ever have swear words in their predicted text anyway, so you might as well add Wurse Cords, instead of using alternative swear words. You most likely don't want to sound like a geezer by saying Jiminy Crickits or Judas Priest or even Fiddle Sticks. At the same time you don't want to offend your 10 year old brother while you're getting fragged in Halo, you could easily use a Wurse Cord instead.

Boop on Palls

There are varying degrees to the practice; I've seen a comedian at Wiseguys talk nonstop in this fashion for two minutes. Granted the guy had way too much time on his hands, he had been married three times to two women. Yes, that's right. Three times. Two women. At other times a simple two word phrase will get across the point, or get a chuckle from your friends.

Better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and disperse all doubt.

Or you could just use Wurse Cords...

Fother Mucker is also the title of a song by a profane named band.

Your comments for good additions are welcome.

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