School went much better this week than it did the week before even though this week I had my kids and last week I didn't. I met with my PA this past week who discussed meds with me. She said I am on a bare bones routine (which is what I want and like), but I was still having some trouble sleeping since I stopped taking Trazadone and relied on melatonin instead. She rolled her eyes when I told her the dose. I didn't get a lecture, but I suspect she wanted to give me one. Instead she said I could keep the bottle of melatonin by my bed in case I wake up hours early and need another one. Another thing she suggested was half of a Trazadone plus the melatonin which is what I tried last night. In the past I've tried two melatonin and the prescription I have for anxiety, that was effective for a while, I have trouble sticking to routines. It feels like victory to be free from the Trazadone and like I've somehow failed if I have to take it again. I realize that this is just the way I feel and may not be related to reality, but that's the gist of it.
Today in school we learned about how to assemble a dental dam. This was done on practice mouths so nobody had to sit in a chair while their inexpert classmates fumbled around with unfamiliar instruments. I was pretty proud of mine until I realized that I did quite a few things wrong, but that's why we practice. I still have trouble figuring out which tooth is which and the assistant's cool reminder didn't help me much, but maybe it will as time passes. After that we learned how to transfer instruments. This is where I learned that I'm significantly better with my left hand than my right. It doesn't totally matter since you need both hands most of the time, but I think it will make certain processes easier for me. Regardless, this was the part I really enjoyed. It's cool learning about the different materials they use and why they're chosen for a procedure. We also learned how to handle needles, I wasn't great at that part, but at least the needles were clean even if I didn't get stuck with one. I hate needles, but they weren't so bad in class. Seeing the amount that goes into a patient was kind of nauseating, but I dealt with it.
This week I brought my lunch which made a difference. I came home from school after a disorganized lecture to find that my girls had done the dishes and made supper. I ate too much too fast, I need time to decompress after school and didn't get it. I'm exhausted from such a long day, but it's really nice to feel more optimistic about school again. A couple of people I follow on Twitter run a baseball scouting course. I wish I had signed up for that instead of dental assisting school, but maybe I can save up money from working to take that. Maybe I wouldn't like that either, it's hard to say. I had a week where I really questioned myself. For now I'm mostly happy to be in school despite the work and anxiety. I have a presentation next week. I don't mind preparing the speaking portion, but I am unenthusiastic about putting together a poster. I tried to remind myself that an art project could be fun, but I'm still lukewarm on the issue. This week feels jammed with activity, but I know that's just my mind racing.
I met a friend yesterday. She works on an OCD floor at the facility I was just at. She's very nice. I forgot my phone so I couldn't text her to tell her I was there, but we managed to meet up anyways. The night before that I went out to study with my friends, and the night before that I had a girlfriend over to study. It was nice to be able to expand my social circle a little. I bought tabs numbered 1-31 in another attempt to put a calendar system together since my last one was ineffective. So far I haven't had much of an opportunity to test it out, but I'm optimistic, because, hey, why not? Feeling so tired and so amped up is a feeling I should be accustomed to by now, but I guess I'm not. Lecture fried whatever brains I had left after the lab portion of school this morning. The older woman goes more slowly, but she thoroughly explains things while the younger woman rushes us more. I believe in doing it right the first time even if it takes a bit longer. Not much else is new. I really want a new pair of scrubs, but I guess those will have to wait since I'm trying to be better about money.
Take care,
Jess