There’s nothing like a nice swift kick to the ego to put things in perspective.
Allow me to explain…
The place where I hang my hat in order to drown my sorrows isn’t what you would a call a “pick up” joint. For the most part, the crowd consists of regulars who have known each other for years and over that time have become something of an extended family.
So there I was nursing my Beam and Bud and chatting up a few of my friends about my lack of success in the dating area over the past few years. I guess I was hoping to find myself some degree of sympathy but since both of them are happily married my laments were falling on deaf ears. They both chimed in with their thoughts that until I started to expand my horizons things likely weren’t going to change. They further stated that everybody at the bar knew each other too well and the prospect of that changing was damn near zero.
As I was sitting there pondering that over in my mind the bartender came by with a shot of Beam and placed it down in front of me. I gave her a look that said I didn’t order anything and she replied:
”That came from the girl at the end of the bar, she thinks you’re cute”.
I looked at my two buddies and wondered aloud if they were setting me up as some kind of joke. The timing was just too perfect. After receiving their reassurance that they weren’t trying to pull a fast one I glanced down to the end of the bar and saw the “source” of my good fortune.
She looked to be about thirty five with short blonde hair and looked awfully cute from a distance. I’m pushing fifty six and it took me awhile to muster the courage to walk down there, introduce myself and thank her for the drink.
So, I gave my friends a little shit about my luck finally starting to change and strolled down to the end of the bar as proud as a peacock. With renewed confidence, I stuck out my hand and said:
”Hi, my name is borgo and I just wanted to thank you for the drink and get to know you better.”
Or something to that effect.
Upon further inspection (and much to my delight) she was a lot prettier close up than she was from a distance. She had these pretty green eyes and smile that immediately melted my heart. I thought to myself that the stars had aligned and my losing streak with women was about to become history.
She extended her hand and said:
”Hi, my name is Carly but I think you made a mistake. I didn’t buy you a drink.”
I got this look of confusion on my face and immediately thought that my friends had indeed decided to have a bit of fun at my expense. I shot them a dirty look but then she said.
”My mom did, she’ll be right back.”
Well, to make a long story short and not to be too offensive but when her mom returned I swear she had to be at least seventy. She looked like she spent way too many hours under the tanning bulbs and her skin had this leathery look that reminded me of an old baseball glove.
I was always raised to be a gentleman so I started chatting up the two of them. Nothing too detailed, nothing too deep. After about fifteen or twenty minutes I reciprocated their gesture and ordered a couple of drinks for the three of us. After polishing that off I decided to go outside and have a much needed smoke.
I met my buddies outside and told them of the circumstances. After laughing their ass off (after all, what are good buddies for) I went back inside and took a peek to see if they were still there.
I was greeted by the sight of two empty barstools. I asked the bartender where they went and she said they had settled up and took off. I resumed my usual place, ordered another round and just stared at the television set alone in my thoughts.
Over the past few days the story has gotten some play at the bar and has been the subject of some good natured and much deserved ribbing. Like most bar stories it’s been repeated and enhanced and over time will slowly fade away into oblivion.
Still, even though my ego took one right in the nuts, I can’t help but be a bit flattered.
Maybe next time things will be different.