The scene opens with Xmelborp sitting at a desk in front of the camera. He is smiling widely.

"Hello hello, wondrous viewers! It is I, Technician X'melborp aboard the Prosperity, and this is another Earth Humor: Pranks with Human Greg! For those of you just joining us, this is the series wherein I target Human Greg with Earth-style jokes called "Pranks". These pranks are the result of my own research, or submitted by my Earth-knowledgeable viewers! Do not fret, wondrous viewers! Though he may be frightened or inconvenienced, no harm will come to our co-host Human Greg!

You may remember last week's prank--"

The video cuts briefly to a scene of a human male laughing in front of a cubicle. The camera zooms in and reveals that various work station appliances have had googly eyes affixed to them, some with crude smiles drawn on in accompaniment.

"Seriously?" says the human, still laughing.

The scene returns to X'melborp.

"Thanks again to viewer Trizit for submitting the idea and the materials! Some of you might also remember the week before that's prank with--"

The scene again cuts away. Now the human is looking in front of a dormitory. As the camera gets closer, it turns and reveals that the entire single-person living quarters has been covered in faux-paper stick notes.

After a moment, the human laughs. "Seriously?!"

The voice manning the camera says, "Read them, Human Greg! They have comments submitted by our wondrous viewers!"

Human Greg is too busy laughing to respond.

The scene returns to X'melborp.

"And thank you all again, my magnanimous viewers for submitting your kind comments! If you want to see more, or see the build-up leading to those clips, just check the Playlist linked below. Now, this week's prank was submitted to me by an Earth-side human, so we know it is genuine! Thank you, Tanya Delaney, of the Texas tribe. The prank is:

'Surround his sleeping area with cups of water. Make it so it is impossible for him to leave without spilling the water. The only way he can go is if he drinks it all. If you want to be cruel, fill some of the cups with liquids that resemble water, but are not, and taste foul.'

Well, we do not wish to be cruel to our friend Human Greg! We simply wish to prank and perhaps mildly-inconvenience him, so I believe plain water will suffice. As you can see," he moves the camera slightly and a pile of clear disposable cups comes into view, "I am amply prepared for this prank, having begged some cups off the commissary staff! Let's go surprise Human Greg!"

The next several minutes are of X'melborp leaving his quarters, finding Human Greg's quarters, sneaking inside. He places the camera on the counter, and then another many more minutes are spent filling and placing the cups with water from Human Greg's water dispensary unit. It is, frankly, a wonder than Greg doesn't wake up.

"There,' X'melborp whispers when he is done. He takes the camera and backs away. "Human Greg's alarm should be going off soon, as I have carefully timed this prank to coincide with his usual waking patterns. Let's watch."

Several more minutes pass before the bedside alarm clock goes off. Instead of waking properly, Human Greg slams off with his hand without having moved any other part of him.

"Human Greg," says X'melborp loudly. "That is not the proper way to silence your alarm." He flicks on the light.

Human Greg looks up groggily. He squints in the light.

"X'melborp?" he says.

"Yes!" chirps X'melborp.

"Are you. . . are you recording me sleep again? 'Cause we talked about that--"

"While there is footage of you sleeping within this video, it is not the goal of the video, no." X'melborp makes a sound akin to a giggle. "I recommend you watch where you step!"

Greg continues to squint a few seconds more, apparently confused. Then his eyes open wide and he rushes to the end of the bed.

"Seriously?!" he shouts when he sees the cups.

X'melborp is laughing. "Happy weekly prank, Human Greg!"

"X'melborp, I'm gonna kill you!"

The camera quickly turns away from Human Greg and onto X'melborp's face. "He is speaking in hyperbole, sensitive listeners! Humans are prone to exaggeration when intense feelings of--"

A pillow flies into the frame and hits X'melborp in the head. X'melborp runs across the room before turning the camera back on Greg.

"Ahh! He attacks!"

Greg is standing on top of the bed. Another pillow in his hands.

"Get back here, X'melborp!"

"I believe that would be unwise, Human Greg!"

"Help me clean this up!" says Greg. "I have to work soon! I have to pee!"

"Sorry, Human Greg. The rules of the joke dictate that the one being pranked must also be the one cleaning it up. In this case, the only way out is to drink out a path. Very humorous!"

"Dammit, X'melborp!"

"Goodbye, Human Greg!"

X'melborp turns to go, and another pillow hits him in the head. He laughs and runs out of the room, still recording.

"There you have it, beautiful viewers! The water cup prank. If you have more pranks to submit, leave a comment or send me a message and I will screen them for viability. Thanks for watching, and stay tuned for more Human-related anthropological miscellany!"

The screen goes black.

* * * * *

The shot opens on the face of a human male. He smiles and waves. He whispers,

"Hi, everyone. Uh, I'm not X'melborp. Obviously. I'm Gregory Namanarra-- you might know me as Human Greg. If you're wondering where X'melborp is, well, he's right here."

The camera pans over to a dormitory sleeping quarters. Instead of a bed, it is a nest-like structure lined with cloth. In it, there is a large lump beneath the mountainous covers.

"So he's still asleep. Because of the last prank he played on me, I was late for work and got a reprimand. Nothing too serious-- you need like fifty of them before you're in bad trouble-- but it ruined my clean record, so today, I thought I'd switch things up and play a little prank on X'melborp."

Gregory puts the camera down, adjusting is so that it still includes X'melborp in the frame. He creeps towards the sleeping mass, then takes something from inside the blanket-nest. It appears to be a device. He fiddles with the device, then places it back on the nest.

He leaves, scooping up the camera on the way out.

"Okay," he says once he is in the hallway. "I've just set his alarm back by a bell. For you Earth viewers, that's like an hour and a half. What does that mean? It means that he's going to be late for work, just like I was. I won't make you all watch me noodle around at work, so I'll just cut ahead when the time comes. See you soon with the results!"

The screen goes black, only to immediately come on again.

The camera is apparently sitting at a desk inside Greg's cubicle. The cubicles here have low walls allowing the inhabitants to see their neighbors and other goings-on on the floor. X'melborp can be seen approaching at a rapid stride.

"Human Greg!" he calls. "Human Greg!"

Greg turns in his swivel chair. "Yes?"

"Did you alter my alarm system?"


"But why?! That was entirely uncalled for! I have received a reprimand for tardiness because of your actions!"

"Yeah? Not very fun, is it?"

X'melborp seems flustered. "You are not behaving with proper abashment!"

"That's because I don't feel bad! X'melborp, you did the same thing to me earlier!"

"I did not! I merely placed cups of water around your sleeping quarters requiring you to--" X'melborp thinks about it for a moment. "Oh."

"And I was late."

X'melborp's ears and antennae droop. He sighs. "My apologies, Human Greg. I can see that I have overstepped once again. If you wish for me to discontinue the pranking series, I would understand."

Greg gets up and puts his hand in X'melborp's shoulder. "Dude, it's fine. We're even, now, okay? Just, in the future? Try not to do stuff that'll make us late for work. Okay?"

X'melborp looks at the hand on his shoulder. "You've initiated physical contact."

Greg moves his hand away. "Oh, sorry. I--"

X'melborp rushes forward and gives Greg a four-armed hug. The force of it lifts Greg off the ground. "This is a momentous occasion! My research indicates that humans share contact with those they trust on a conscious or subconscious level!"

"X'melborp," Greg wheezes.

"Truly, you now consider me a friend!"

"Need. . .air. . ."

X'melborp holds on a second longer, then drops him. Greg gasps and collapses back into his chair.

"You. . . give really strong hugs," he wheezes.

"I only wish I had my recording device to preserve such an occasion!"

"Actually. . ." Greg's hand reaches towards the camera, taking up most of the shot. He plucks up the camera and the world blurs for a moment as he hands it to X'melborp.

"Has it been recording?!"

"Yeah," says Greg. "I wanted revenge for the other day--"

X'melborp screeches in glee and hurries away, presumably to upload the footage.

The screen goes black.

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