I was in Mexico
with my family when a horse race with my brother went awry. The carriages
flipped and my brother and I were tossed to the ground. I got up, covered in sand, and rushed to my brother, but instead a girl I knew in highschool lay there, nude, strategically covered.
No, that's not what this dream is about, I can remember myself thinking.
"Hi! I haven't seen you in awhile." She looked up at me with those eyes and smiled a smile for me. It was big, and she giggled with delight to see me.
I suppose I half knew this was a dream or what I said then would not have made much sense. "Susannah," I said stroking her hair, "I want you to listen to me." It was like talking to a little kid who might run off at any moment. Ironically this is not far from the truth - we never know if we are the dreamer or the dream. She stopped giggling and basking in the sun and smiled and looked at me. "I know you can't hear me," I said choking back tears, "but I want you to know how much I miss you."
Curse the fogs of dreams for I cannot remember how she responded. I suspect if I could it would be immensely therapeutic. I do know she took my head in one hand, arm in the other and smiled. And, because it is my dream and I am free to speculate, I bet she said something like, "Hey, all you have to do to see me is fall asleep."
You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting. - Tinkerbell, Hook
I don't know why these girls haunt me in my dreams. I cared for all of them deeply at one point, but for one reason or another we never met ends. I suspect this is more a case of lost love than unrequited for I know they all cared about me at some point as well. I'm in a happy relationship right now, but for some reason I keep revisiting the past.