A line from "He Said, She Said."

Has some resonance with me, though.

I know exactly how many times I've woken up in the middle of the night with real insight into my life, knowing exactly what I have to do, what I want to do.


The first time, I realized that I was in love for the first time in my life. I knew that I had to tell him before he left, that I had to say something or I would spend the rest of my life regretting it. I knew that I had to do something, or I would probably implode.

The second time, I woke up in the middle of the night, and a different lover was clutching me in his sleep. The only thing I felt was a desire to pull away from his touch. I looked over and saw the look of peace and affection on his sleeping face, and I realized that I hadn't seen that look on his face while he was awake and looking at me in a very, very long time. I realized that I didn't love him, that I never did ... and, that I was very unhappy.

Both of these times, I did something that changed not only my relationships with these men, but also that shaped the person that I have become. These mid-sleep revelations have resulted in hard choices, hard actions ... and life changing circumstances.

I can't say I enjoy them, but I think that I need them.

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