I was at home today, watching, as coincidence may have it, The Disney Channel
, when I realized that Disney
's evil plan to take over the world as we know it isn't simply limited to controlling the minds of the world's youth.
No, I realized as I sat through Zenon : Girl of the 21st Century, Zenon : The Zequel, and My Stepsister from the Planet Weird, three original made-for-the-Disney-channel movies in one sitting, that my brain was leaking out my ear. As I hurried for a Jell-o mold, I realized that this was all the nefarious work of Disney. It must have been the equation of bubbly teenage girl main character, a dash of sci-fi, and some bad computer-generated graphics, combined with evil Disney secrets that forced me to watch 5 hours of the Disney channel, and made me want to watch MORE.
This is just NOT right.
I could feel my mind go numb from the bombardment of cheezy fluff, but yet I couldn't tear myself free. I'm 21. I am not a child, or even a teenager anymore. Isn't this stuff only supposed to captivate kids? This must be part of the insidious evil that is Disney! First, it was just cartoons. Then there were theme parks, and hotels, and resorts, and cruise ships, and movies, and their plan for world domination was well underway.
Walt must be cryogenically frozen. He wouldn't want to miss this.