Recently, we heard news of the passing of a great American, David Koch. We all worshipped him, but what was his story? He was an intensely private man who didn't talk about his past much, and so I did some scholarly research on the topic.

David Koch was born a poor black child in Mississippi, he is naive in the ways of the world and on his eighteenth birthday decides he doesn't fit in with his family for some reason and heads out on the road. He ended up in the city where he took a job as a gas station attendant and slept at the station because he was broke. His name then appeared in the phone book and he went on to make millions with an invention.

David Koch was a firm supporter of gun rights brought on by an experience he had working at that gas station. A gunman had taken an intense dislike to the cans of oil displayed at the station and began shooting them out one by one. This caused great expense to the gas station and its manager, who went on to be a stand-up comedian. He sought a way to protect the wealthy business owner and that started with being able to defend their businesses against can-hating gunman. At the time of the incident, David Koch was unable to defend himself because of draconian gun laws that existed at the time.

David Koch was married to Bernadette Peters for a time. He picked out and bought a very special thermos for her, but things didn't work out and he left the family home dishelved and carrying some of his personal belongings loosely in his arms. It might have been over, except he was a brilliant inventor and businessman, like yours truly, Friend Behr.

Through his good earnings, David Koch was able to contribute mightily to Republican causes and elect many forward thinking candidates. While I have heard reports of him funding one of my arch-enemies, the climate change denier supervan, this is not the time to nitpick.

Pleasant journeys, friend David (from friend Behr)

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