Cheryl Cole, Queen of the Dull, to give her her full title. Is just another simpering media whore to grace the world stage of television. I have no great reason or justification for my undying and burning hatred for this woman other than a few television appearances that I have happened upon. But I feel that this is more than enough to judge a fellow human being on. If she will put herself up in full view of the public, then I guess she’ll just have to deal with reviews on her perceived personality.

I don’t know a great deal on her background, which could easily be discovered with a brief Wikipedia session, but I don’t care quite that much. And she might have access to the amount of hits she gets on Wikipedia. And I don’t want to add any additional hits to boost her already huge ego. I do know that she is from the north of England. Which she likes to show at every opportunity to show that she’s NORMAL and a REGULAR HUMAN BEING. Apart from, of course, you and I aren’t hounded by paparazzi every single day, nor do people care if we happen to accidentally wear the same pair of socks two days in a row.

Cheryl Cole has grown into a frankly bizarre orange skin. This seems to be a common folly of modern celebrity. If you wish to join the ranks then you have to wear the orange skin. Which, I suppose, could just be a defense mechanism against any predicted nuclear fallout. If this is actually the case, and I die during a nuclear holocaust whilst all these celebrities survive. I’ll be eating my words won’t I. Not that I’ll be around to appreciate it, but you get the point. Or I could just go buy an orange skin as ‘just in case’ measure.

Cheryl Cole is, apparently, a singer. This seems to be being used more and more as a front for selling just about anything that she can get away with. She was brought to the attention of the public in a group of other young women as part of some music band. They danced and sang. Wore little clothes and capitalised on the stale state of most pop chart topping music. Thanks to reading the red tops I’ve discovered that the band is on a ‘self imposed hiatus’. Which could be cynically seen as some kind of label ploy I guess. If you were of the cynical persuasion.

What has recently raised my hackles when it comes to this harmless young lady is how she relentlessly pushes her dullard persona on the public. I mostly blame Simon Cowell for this, for placing her on the judging panel of the singing talent show ‘The X-Factor’. She has used this platform to perform her own new singles on the same show. Hilariously miming on a show in which she heckles acts for not being able to sing pitch perfectly. Because Cheryl Cole is the white Nina Simone.

Many a tragedy has befallen our poor heroine in the course of her celebrity life. But it’s always been quite hard to feel sorry for someone who seems to be utterly humourless and somewhat dead in the face. Even when she laughs you can’t help but think that maybe she’s actually just a re-animated corpse. Maybe this is the point of the orange skin, it’s actually the closest that you can match for a robot. I’m not saying that she definitely is a robot. But I’m not entirely discounting this theory either.

The general public has also forgotten, now that she’s the nations sweetheart, that she once shouted a racial epithet at a black toilet attendant before violently assaulting her. Irrelevant now that’s popular as a solo act, of course.

In conclusion, I’m not sure that you should like Cheryl Cole.

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