An interesting habit students tend to form is ending up cooking waaay too much food to be possibly eaten in one sitting, no matter how hard one tries. If there is no-one around to finish it off for you, these leftovers end up getting frozen and accumulating in the freezer compartment. What happens when people finally get around to using them? This sort of scenario... It was late in the evening back at the flat. Having missed lunch, again, I decided it was about time to rustle up a little snack. Looking into my freezer compartment, I searched around for pizza, but found none. Instead, I lay my hands upon a large Tupperware container. Inside, I found what appeared to be about half a pound of frozen bolognese sauce from various spaghetti meals, solidified into one great lump. Since it was something I hadn't had for some time, I thought, what the heck, and stuffed it into the microwave to defrost. As this was happening, I opened my cupboard to locate some pasta to be cooked whilst this was happening, but I saw nothing. Frantically searching the rest of the cupboards in the kitchen, I found not a shred of a noodle anywhere. I ran into the lounge, where one of my flatmates Paul was lounging on the sofa, with a rather large spliff perched between his lips.

"Hey Paul, have we got any pasta anywhere?"

"Nah man, how come?"

"I've got a load of bolognese sauce defrosting at the mo, and I really don't want to have to freeze it again...

"Make some burgers then."


/me blinks

Then it occurred to me, he was right. The basic ingredients were the same, mince, onions, seasoning. One problem though...

I rushed back to the kitchen, to find the sauce had defrosted considerably, giving me a nice sloppy mixture to work with. I had to think here, what could I use to thicken the stuff? The answer was obvious:


Opening my cupboard, I pulled out the sack of flour in it, and scooped a good two cupfuls out, depositing it into the mixture. I stirred it up well and truly, and then placed it into the fridge. I had a biscuit.

Fifteen minutes later...

I removed the mixture from the fridge tentatively, like someone disarming a nuclear warhead. The mixture had thickened up greatly, and holding a dollop in my hands, was malleable to form into a rough burger shape. I divided the mixture in half, and dropped each lump onto a baking tray, resulting in a satisfying "spludge" as they landed. After making them roughly burger shaped, I turned on the grill, and threw them in. Five minutes later, I turned them over, noticing they actually kept some shape as I did this, and returned them from to the fiery chamber. Finally, another five minutes had passed, and I removed the burgers from the oven. The outside appeared done, although I wasn't particularly worried about food poisoning at this point, since they'd already been cooked. I quickly buttered two baps, and slid a burger into each. Thinking carefully, I think put three slices of processed cheese onto each, along with some spicy barbeque sauce. I returned to the lounge with two plates in hand, and passed one burger to Paul, for the sheer inspiration of it. Sitting down, we turned The Simpsons on, and I took a bite. The burger was still slightly soft inside, but it tasted so good I quickly forgot about slight details like texture, and how it was actually staying together. I turned to Paul, and simply said:

"You my friend, are a bloody genius"

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