I walked through the threshold of my bedroom doorway. The lights were out
and the steady drone of my computer fan filled my quiet room. All was normal,
as I had expected, but still something nipped at the heels of my mind. There
was more in there, in my womb. A person. A woman. I could smell her without
my nose, hear her without my ears, see her without my eyes. Far back in the
corner, where my bed rested on the floor, she was there, waiting for me.
Without preamble, I spoke. "You shouldn't be here," I said quietly.
Her soft voice replied, "This is exactly where I should
be."
I walked in a little further, letting my eyes become adjusted to the darkness
that surrounded us. "Why did you come?" I asked.
Her answer wasn't immediate, but rather drawn out, as though for effect. "Because
you needed me to."
I stood at the foot of my bed and looked down at her. She was beneath my covers,
lost in the sheets and cloth of my bedding. I hadn't bothered to look around
and see if her clothes were lying on my floor; I knew she was naked and waiting
for me. "And what do you expect from me? Sex?"
I saw the thin smile creep across her shadowed features. "I expect nothing
from you but whatever you're ready to give. Shall I go?"
I let my coat slip from my back and draped it over my desk chair. "No,"
I answered. "I'll join you shortly."
I disrobed and slid easily into my own bed, not entirely sure what I expected
from myself.
I could feel her next to me, breathing in patient anticipation of my touch.
I could have had her. I could have taken her then and there, but that would
have cheapened her gift of being there at all. Instead I simply curled myself
around her body, enveloping her in a warm, tender embrace. I kissed the nape
of her neck gently. "Thank you," I whispered. "I'll see you
in the morning."
And I went to sleep, with her in my arms, content and strangely feeling more
alive than any amount of self-gratification could have merited me. I was
home.