Everytime I see him lying there in the dark it makes my breath catch. I look at the magnificently formed back and arms, think of the power that lies there in slumber. I reach out to touch his hair and his skin, and my body feels as though it will incinerate from the rush of love, regret, awe, and fear that floods my entire being.


Three years of love interrupted and tried make me fear a lot. Right now they keep me up at night as I hang suspended in limbo, waiting for him to decide what he wants. I deserve it, too; this torture. Karma came back and bit me in the ass, now that I know what I want.


He ruined it for me. Well, he changed it, at least. I desire simple things, pleasures of life. But I can't desire anyone else. I can't feel that same rush of heat under my skin, that passionate, all-consuming burn in their eyes. These feelings are locked away with him. And that's the way I like it, until he isn't around anymore, and I feel like a discarded, broken toy.


Those eyes. Blue with shimmers of something akin to violets. When he opens his eyes while he kisses me and all I can feel, all I can see, is passion and love, its hard to even think that he might not want me, might not need me.


I need him. Like I need the air that I breathe and the water I drink. I need him there in the dark to lie my naked skin against. Need him to wrap his arm around me and kiss my neck, making me wish for Andy in the dark forever, and the ability not to feel that resounding sadness in the morning when he isn't there.

I fear his absence,

I desire his presence,

And i'll drown someday in those eyes.

I need him, whether or not he's in the dark.

Just to set things straight: Sandy is my boss, Mandy is the girl I fired and I used to call the guy named Randy Andy because that’s what I thought his name was. Now it's a joke between the two of us. Getting back to how I let Mandy go, I asked Randy if he could keep an eye on things while I talked to Mandy. He said yes and when I gave Mandy the option to leave without finishing her shift she took it.

Unfortunately that left Randy alone for the rest of the night. I made some phone calls, aware that he was listening. Finally I told him I’d stay and close. He thanked me, I smiled at him and said “No problem, Andy". His smile was fleeting but I caught it. Randy is cute but he’s a hard person to get to know. He has a girlfriend, she’s one of those sun-bleached blondes. Most people think that she and Randy are brother and sister instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now I said Randy was cute but what I really meant is he’s delicious. His eyes are wickedly green and when he does smile we sell a lot more smoothies to a lot more teenage girls if you know what I mean. At the end of the night the last thing any of us do before we go home is turn off the lights and the sign in front. Randy was closer to the lights so I asked him to turn them off. He shook his head but he was smiling when he looked at me.

I walked over to where he was standing. The muscles in his neck were taut as I ran my index finger down to the base of his throat. Blood pulsed beneath my touch. Green eyes widened in surprise as the bite registered. Golden lashes fluttered down, warm blood surged forth. The puncture marks on the side of his neck were small. Long ago I learned to be careful. The lights flickered. A red haze swam over his brilliant green eyes. My biting kiss was almost lover-like and I know his real name is Randy but I will always remember the warm liquid sweetness of Andy in the dark.


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