"If we're going to meet our revenue, cost, and customer-satisfaction targets this year, we need a culture committed to winning. Achieving that takes more than just me. That's why I am instituting a PBC, or Pod Breeding Center, to flesh out our manager base. These new managers will:

  • Inspire a feeling of distaste, nay, outright disdain

  • Maintain their team's sense of general malaise

  • Promote inter-and intra-team hostility

  • Pass on vague and unrealistic performance measures from upper management every two weeks and hold the carrot of training over their noses until they meekly accept the fruitlessness of requests

  • Continually inject the employees with a potent serum of Thorazine and Xanax if they try to insinuate themselves into any process.

Indeed, meeting our performance goals is essential. But no less important is how we meet them. By focusing on our people, we can build a foundation for making me ludicrous sums of cash year after year."

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