I was the biggest failure as a brother... until today!
Tid bit of background. I moved to
Columbus a little over a month... no, exactly one month ago, due to a few
earth shattering things. My brother Sam took me in. First month's rent was free and he's been paying for everything, like food and what not. I think he still feels bad for being the bully older brother he was. Guess he doesn't recognize I let that shit go a long time ago. Anyway, I've been noticing lately the negativity that my brother emits. It had always been there, but I though it was gone with childhood. He just moved it somewhere else, at himself instead of others. It was hard for me to discribe since I am driven by emotion rather than rationality, but I definitely knew that he wasn't "good".
Today, Sam and I went to the coolest theater I've ever been to, and it's right down the road (only in the city!). It's called Studio 35. They have a bar and a smoking section with windows so that you can still see the movie, not that I drink or smoke, but it's fun to know it's there. They show three movies for one price. This evening's trio was pretty damn good. The first movie was
Dodgeball, which we saw last week when it was in the number two position and decided to skip this week. The second movie was
Fahrenheit 9/11. It made me cry at least twice. I must commend them for not once showing the horror that we've all had shoved down our throats. Good documentary. The third movie is always a random
cult classic that sounds fun to see in the theaters even if you have it at home on DVD (or VHS for all you
old schoolers).This week's cult classic was
The Breakfast Club. What a great third movie, though I found it a little weird following Farenheit 9/11. I wasn't gonna let that negate it's random greatness.
By the end of Breakfast Club, I was pretty pumped about life. My brother and I got into a discussion about voting, but I was truely trying to understand why he lost hope in life. I often argue things on a
parallel idea and get hung up on details that don't really have anything to do with what i'm talking about because I'm not talking about the right thing. Not to discredit his points, because he's very intellegent. He just fails to recognize the hope in life, which was my true interest here. He ended up going on some tangent ending with "
what does it really matter if I die... who's gonna miss me?".
It was then that I walked out of a now about 2 hour old conversation that I was not gonna walk away from and shut the door. I got to my room and realized that it was good of me to walk out to prove a point, but I had to go back in there. It took me 25 years to realize that he just needs love... real love. What a fool I was to not see it earlier. After about thirty or forty seconds, I went back into his room and layed on top of him and hugged him. He took
the defensive immediatly, but I was persistant. I just hugged him. He kept trying to say shit like "I can't breathe" and "OK dude, for real... this hurts", but I knew it was all a
farce. He just doesn't know how to deal with love. After repeatedly telling him to
shut the fuck up, he finally did. I got a good fifteen seconds of true hug from him before it ended. He shrugged it off and rolled his eyes when all was said and done, but that grin never left his face up until I left the room. He wants love so bad, but he rejects it before it can reject him. Oh, the webs we weave!
I love him.
He is my brother.