Audio captured from a very interesting taping of one of America's favorite game shows:
Oh, that Bob, he's at it again.
"Hello everybody! I'm Richard Karn and welcome to another edition of Family Feud! Over here we have the Caseys and over there we have the Dovers! Let's play! Heads of the family approach the podium!"
"Uhhh...um, OK. Let's meet you first. So you're Bob Casey. Tell us where you and your family are from, Bob."
"We're from St. Louis, Missouri, Dick."
"Well, uh, you can just call me Richard, Bob. Uh, so what do you do for a living?"
"I am a business man, Karnhole."
"Uh, Richard, please, Bob. Uh, what kind of business do you do?"
"I sell stuff."
"Um. OK. All right. Over here we have Ben Dover...Bob...Bob? We're doing Ben now, please be qu--- stop laughing Bob, please. OK, so, Ben, where are you and your family from?"
"We're from Battlefield, Michigan, Richard."
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I run a computer business out of my home...no, it's not selling porn, Bob."
"Uh, yeah. OK, nice to meet you both. Let's see what the first survey is today: 'Things you do around the house.' Give me something that you like to do around the house. Yes, Bob, your quicker on the buzzer! Give me something that you--"
"-- do around...the...house. Um, Bob, now, you can't...that...that answer won't air, Bob. You, uh, even though you might do that around the, uh, house, I'm afraid that I'm gonna need another answer."
"All right, then. How about cleaning?"
"Good, good, that one might work for ya Bob. Is it cleaning?!?"
"YES! And it's the #1 answer! Looks like we're starting with the Caseys today!
"All right, now, Bob, quite an interesting family you've got here. They, uh, all look like nice-looking young ladies."
"Well, they're my bitches, Karnhole, they're like family to me."
"This here is Skank, and here's Bitch Slap, and these two over here, I like to refer to both of them as one name: Ho Sandwich."
"Uhhh. Rather, uh, interesting names, there."
"You wanna make out with them, Karnhole? They're nice pieces of ass. Richard Dawson used to do that, didn't he?"
"No. And, well, uh, yes he did. But this is a different time now, Bob. And, please, stop calling me Karnhole."
"Or that. OK, let's see what we can, uh, do with this survey..."
"Did you know I have a 14 inch dick, Richard?"
"Uhh, no. Uh, hm. That's, uh, nice. What else, uh, Skank, do you do around the house?"
"Ummm...uh, OK. Do we have fellate?!"
"No, sorry, Bob, Skank, no, uh, fella--no, it's not there. Try again. Let's let, uh, Bitch Slap--"
"Suck Bob's dick!"
"Now, uh, come on, please, try something else. We just can't--"
"All right, make movies!"
"Hey, OK, that one works! Do we have 'make movies?!'"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. That's two strikes. If we don't get a better answer here, it goes over to the Dovers."
"How about put dildos up Ho Sandwich's asses?!"
"Now, Bob, do you really do that?!"
"Yesssir! Almost every night! They like it."
"Uhhh...let's just...this might work: Let's just try sexual play. I think we can do that."
"Sorry, Bob, that's three strikes, and..."
"What a bunch of motherfucking shit! Sex has to be on there somewhere! What the fuck else is there to do around the fucking house?!"
"Now, Bob, please, for the last time, watch that language. Don't be a sore loser. Maybe you'll get it next round."
"No, we're doin' this round right fuckin' now, you bitch! We're gettin' a major FUCKJOB here..."
"No you are not! Now, let's move over to the Dovers for the steal!"
"All right, Ben, those are good answers by your family. You get final say."
"Hey, BEN, why dontcha bend over for Karnhole there and let him fuck ya like he did US!"
"Bob, its not your turn! Now be quiet!"
"Uhhh, I think I'll go with watching TV, uh, Richard."
"All right, FOR THE STEAL! Is it 'watching TV?!'"
"Yes, there ya go, you got the--!"
"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Karnhole! You robbed me and my bitches! We won fair and fucking square!"
"Let's go to commercial break...QUICKLY...we'll be back right after these--"
"Hey, Ben, why dontcha bend over and let me shove Karnhole's head up your ass?! It's been up his too long!"
"Security! Can we get security to remove this man...and his, uh, 'bitches.' Good..."
"Get off of me! You should be worshipping my 14 inch cock, y'know! Worship it, Karnh--- Yeaaaggghh!"
"Worship his cock!!"
"Yeah, you tell him, Ho Sandwich! Let go! Let gooooooo!"
"Now, Dovers, I deeply apologize for--"