This is pretty rough. It's always hard when it comes to this, and as you get older it comes to this increasingly often. It's not so bad, you say. Don't worry. Other people have worse
problems. Other people have to worry ab out
more important things. In the scheme of things, your problems are
trivial. What's
the worst that could happen. Just calm down. No, don't berate yourself. No, don't mediate on scenarios and solutions. You've exhausted that. You probably exhausted that a month ago. You can't do anything right now. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Listen to me. Listen to me. You never listen to me.
There are strategies, of course. Distractions.
Smoking? No, you quit smoking.
Alcohol? No, you did that last night.
Food? Not hungry. Internet? Like the idiot you are, you've already read the only sites worth visiting a thousand times over. The
tv. The
tv. The
tv. You hate the
tv. There are no alternatives. What an easy call.
The funny part: you still can't stop yourself. It's like a
scab on your knee, a
pimple on your face, a
sore in your mouth. You can't leave well enough alone. Well, big surprise - you never could. At such times, times like these, like right now, you really
hate yourself. You really wish you were someone else, anyone else. But that's a lie because even so, for all of this, you think you're better than anyone. Actually, it's not that funny.
And the
tv is talking, and you're still thinking, but maybe it's better than before. Maybe, soon, at least until you're too tired to stay awake anymore, you'll forget yourself. Maybe, soon, you’ll stop thinking. That numbness - what
a small, good thing.