I haven’t written in a while… so here are my last couple months in a nutshell.
Wake up
Shit
Shower
Shave, Notice ping pong ball in my neck….
Go along with my life
Friday night Kiddush and dinner.
Emergency on-call 24hr Dr.
“Don’t worry, go to your family Doctor Sunday”
Weekend.
Doctor, Antibiotics, Doctor Again, Specialist, Prognosis, Mononucleosis
Doesn’t sound right…. Blood Test, Specialist, Arguments, Request Biopsy, Get Lung X-Ray, Ultrasound, Ultrasound Doc “GET A BIOPSY”, Return to specialist, FNA (or fine needle aspiration biopsy)
Return to Specialist, Doesn’t seem dangerous, operation anyways. CT
6cm by 4cm thing, inside me
Go to second opinion, MRI, Ultrasound + Doppler. Ultrasound Doc “It could be a million things”
It’s above my throat, around my spinal cord and nested nicely beside glands and lymph nodes
Hospital Specialists, Fiber Optic up my nose, Mirrors in down my throat…
Operation, “Don’t worry this is just some oxygen to help you breath”
Darkness
Hell,
Darkness
Light, Can’t talk, panic, sweat, can’t talk, can’t breath? Tracheotomy,… Darkness
Parents, Go away, Darkness, Hallway, Darkness, Elevator, Darkness, 2 days, “Don’t worry this will only hurt for a minute” Penis is on fire, “This is a bottle for you to…” Darkness, Pee in Bottle, Darkness, “Here we go, you need a shower” Humiliation, Can’t talk, Tired, Water, Being washed, Humiliation, Darkness, 2 Days, Still can’t talk, Wash by myself, Whisper, barely, Tired, Darkness, Parents, Brother, Darkness, Write notes, Tired, Darkness, Listen to others mostly, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Tired, Darkness, Slowly life returns to itself, Slowly I can pee by myself, Hell, Visits, Tired, Sleep all day. …
After 8 days, FOOD, walk to vending machine, buy a Sprite, walk back, look at it, 3 minutes, open it, smell it… smell, smell, smell, taste…. Metallic, disgusting, worst soft drink I have tasted in my life.
It is heavenly.
Week at hotel + home resting. Go to Doc for final biopsy result…
Sarcoma.
…. Here we go again…