I sat down to work on my
Great Gatsby paper, I’m not even sure you could call it a paper, it’s more like select words that refer to the novel every now and then. Once I sat down I wasn’t sure what to write about, I couldn’t write a
conclusion because it wasn’t exactly going anywhere. Instead I figured I would write my
journal entry for this
week. I wasn’t sure how I would do that either, when I read the thing it seemed like I was to just write of some account. Not sure how well I could do that without in some way degrading myself or making me sound like some type of
loser. To resist any urge to preach or moralize about it; how? Is that possible? So I played some
solitaire as I thought about how I would go about this.
I’m not procrastinating, I’m just not sure anymore. I don’t know, after
looking for a job and not finding one my brain’s function of work has been all imbalanced.
Can I think of a similar moment in my life when I have been incapable or unwilling to
do the right thing? Sure, there’s plenty of them, this could be a book. But which one to write about? I only need one account for this. Wait- now. I’m not doing my work. I’m incapable, I’m just not willing. Or am I willing and just not capable? Oh fuck, I’m moralizing aren’t I? I’ll play some more solitaire.
I’ll have to rush two more pages to my paper during the weekend, It‘s unlikely I‘ll get to them today. It wont be good, but it will be five pages. Don’t take this as me taking advantage of the extended time, I appreciate it greatly, I’m just.. maybe I am procrastinating. I play solitaire.
I look back and am hesitant, should delete that last paragraph or keep it there? I decide I’ll keep it there because now I could write about doing something wrong. This makes it much easier. Yes, there is a difference in not doing the right thing from doing the wrong thing. When you don’t do the right thing you could be doing nothing, but when doing the wrong thing you generally believe you’re doing the right thing. You don’t just do something because you know it’s wrong, that makes you incapable, that makes you mentally instable. It’s okay to do something only to regret it later, much better than not doing anything at all. Wouldn’t that be the worst thing, not doing anything?
But while you’re in the process of doing something and you realize then that you’re doing it horribly wrong do you stop? No. First off, because if anyone else is around, they may not know you are doing it wrong, and assume you know what you are doing. The second reason is because I need to hand something in. I’m not just going to hand in a blank piece of paper (or nothing at all). That would result in my grade plummeting, these journal entry things add up.
I begin to pull on my nipple ring; which has become a recreational activity for myself. The music stops so I put on some more. I consider this finished and play some more games of solitaire.