A Child's View of The Army

"A child of five would understand this...Send somebody to fetch a child of five!" -Groucho Marx, Duck Soup

There are times when I am still astounded by my best friend Colin's son, Gabe, and his ability to sum up an entire concept in one simple sentence after working it out a few times. One of these times was when Colin and I headed up to the local IHOP for a game of chess and brought Gabe along. Like every other boy he was going through the little green army men phase. --personally I have yet to outgrow it. Gabe is roughly five years old and very articulate. Thus it should have come as little surprise when he began having one army man in charge, and the rest start building something.

"Sir, we're ready to build the rocket."

"Good. Men, build the rocket!"

(at this point he begins to stack creamers, forks, and a small bowl, into a rather cool looking rocket. He then proceeded to have his men report.)

"Sir, we've finished building the rocket."

"Good! Let's blow it up!"

"Yes, sir!"

(the forks, creamers, and bowl are all blown up with various explosion noises. The little green army men, somewhat creamier than before, are reassembled.)

"Sir, we have blown up the rocket!"

"Good! Let's build another!"

(process repeats itself about two more times. Then...)

"Sir, we've finished building the rocket."

"Good, get everyone inside it."

"Sir, I think that might be a bad idea."

"I'm the leader, just do it!!!"

"Yes, sir! Men, get in the rocket!... ...Sir, the men are all in the rocket!"

"Good! Let's blow it up!"

(Gabe smashes the rocket apart, flinging poor dead green army men everywhere.)

After a few minutes of examining the mess intently he looks right up at me and says "Well that was stupid, guess they shouldn't just do it."

That kid is gonna go places...