Restoration and Resurrection
I like to look at difficult times and dangerous crossings as an opportunity to re-assess. Disappointment, loss, tragedy and everything else in that bag of marbles can cause a person to step down and surrender. I see it as an opportunity to test your ability to cope with events and circumstances as well as to test your ability to overcome and move forward in a new direction.
So, now that I am nine months or so removed from the personal tragedy I went through in New Hampshire, it becomes more of a historical event than anything else. Using my methods of personal mythology to give perspective to the people and events that frame my life story, I can put those events in perspective and see beyond the negatives. Once you can see through the negative attributes of any events or periods of time in your life, you can focus on the components of that time period that are valuable for the journey forward.
Those components fall into two major categories, (1) What you have learned from the experience, (2) What positives came about that your focus might have been led away from because of the weight of the negatives of the experience.
The greatest positive about my time in New Hampshire was that I gained a great deal of experience in the human services field. It not only gave me an experience, it gave me momentum towards a career path that finally makes sense to me. When I came back to Florida I insisted I would use that experience and continue working in the field, and I held out for six months waiting for the right opportunity, working part time and temporary gigs in the meantime. I scraped along, barely making ends meet and depending on the kindness of others to keep me afloat at times. I was resolute. I was not going to take a job working in some office or doing things that did not hold any meaning or purpose for me. I was going to hold out for as long as it took to get a job doing what I can best be described as, "What I am meant to be doing."
Apparently based on my experience, the way things went during my training, and some other factors, my new employers have high expectations of me. I was told the head of the training program went to the person who is now my supervisor to give me high marks and a hearty recommendation, which impacted the job assignment they have given me. This tends to make me a bit uncomfortable, as I like to go into situations without any expectations, or even with low expectations, because then I can only go upwards from there.
And so, right out of training they are assigning me to a group of individuals rather than just having me roaming around lending a hand to experienced therapists. And it is a group of seven dudes with a wide variety of developmental disabilities and behavioral issues that have reportedly driven others insane. I told them I wasn't worried about going insane since I am already completely insane.
And the thing about restoration and resurrection is that experiences you saw in a negative light can later be a benefit in other ways.
Last night I was talking to the person who was training me in working with my group and I told her I spent more than two years living with a self-destructive bipolar cutter who attempted suicide three times while I was living with her.
She said, "That is going to help you a lot here."
Never doubt that tragedy and loss can be turned into a positive later on down the road in your journey through life.