It is time to expose a lie the American people, as well as countless people abroad, have been told by the powers that be. This is a terrible and powerful lie that has caused more problems than I could possibly name. The list of casualties has become so long that it would take hours to recite them all. This lie has become so powerful that it continues to perpetrate itself and cause further pain and loss. These are our kids out there. Are we going to allow them to buy the big lie as well? We have to tell them that our leaders are wrong.
Of course, you probably already know, that I am talking about this whole idea of a man in a jacket and tie meeting a woman in a cocktail dress at a piano lounge, dancing some waltzes and then falling in love. Of course, some of us understand the horrible undertones of this policy of romance. This is not how people meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. It almost never happens, and those occurances are so rare that they can be considered an anomaly. Stop wearing that stupid tie and hanging out in martini bars talking about the stock market. Stop wearing your sister's cocktail dress trying to see if you can hook up with a high roller at the Light Jazz Lounge.
I know a lot of you still like to think back to Casablanca and the romance at Rick's Cafe. Let me tell you something, Rick and Ilsa had their romantic affair at a hotel in Paris, not at this piano bar in Morocco. Also, Rick didn't end up with Ilsa, the guy she came with ended up with her. Rick went home with a short Frenchman. Think about that the next time you go looking for romance in your suit at a piano bar.
I know from research that more than ninety percent of the users on this website are regular listeners to "contemporary light Jazz." This music preaches the "hang out in a piano lounge and fall in love" concept in all of its' songs, especially those that have lyrics. Try listening to something different for a change. Maybe you'll find love at a softball field, a truck stop, a convenience store or a graduation party. Look around. Stop restricting yourselves to this "piano bar or nothing" mentality that too many of you here have.
Yes, I know about these "dating services" that my research tells me eighty percent of the users of this website are members of. Thirty percent of you belong to more than one. That's a shame. They like to use the "classy" buzzword when it comes to dating. Always wear a suit on a date. Never show too much leg. Make sure your socks match. Drink a martini and go to a piano bar. Yes, I know how it is. I've heard you talk about it. No woman is interested in falling in love with a guy who wears socks that match. Women are getting more sophisticated since we allowed them to go to college. They are more interested in guys who don't have it all together than they are in guys who pretend to have it all together. We are entering a magical time, my friends, so throw out your membership card to that video dating service and go to a miniature golf course or the Department of Motor Vehicles. You want to tell your grandkids an interesting story about how grandma and grandpa met? Fighting over a can of cola at a party is much more interesting than dancing a waltz in a piano bar while drinking martinis.
The people who tell stories about meeting the love of their life in a classy piano bar are liars or plants. They have been mixed in amongst us to keep the lie alive. If no one ever hears about someone meeting in a piano bar, they will stop believing. So, we have what I call programmed people who weave tales of romance in piano lounges so that we will waste the rest of our lives looking for love there. This is part of the plan, to dumb us down and control us. You must get out of the piano lounge now!
Imagine for a moment if you defined romance and passion by the following conversation between two people in a piano bar. Please note that the man is wearing an expensive suit and the woman is wearing a very contemporary cocktail dress. He is having a dry martini. She is having what they call an "apple martini."
"Hello. My name is Ted."
"Hello, Ted. I'm Francine."
"Don't you just love this music?"
"Yes, it is very light."
"That's what I like about it. Would you care to dance?"
"That would be nice. Thank you. I'm a very clean and natural girl, so my movements on the dancefloor are very conservative, but I can still flow with the music."
"That is wonderful. I bet you're a natural on the dancefloor."
"Oh, how you flatter."
"May I buy you a drink?"
"Oh, I don't know if I should. I always get too flirty when I drink."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't flirt with anyone."
"Can you drive me home? I don't remember where I live."
"If you can't figure it out by the time we leave, you can stay at my place until you remember."
"Do you have a hairy chest?"
"Yes, would you like to use it like a pillow?"
"I think I definitely would. You look like you have a nice body."
"You've got a great ass. I wouldn't mind holding onto it while I do you from behind."
"Gosh, that is so hot."
As you can see, this kind of prefabricated romance is neither classy nor realistic. And yet we are led to believe this sort of thing is happening all over America. We are expected believe without any real evidence that it is taking place. This takes the adventure and risk out of dating by making it simplistic and to the point. This couple will likely end up in a three bedroom house in the suburbs. They will have two children and she will frequently burn mashed potatoes for no apparent reason. In the falsified information, her burning of potatoes is symbolic of her humanity. We cannot see her as perfect, so a fatal flaw must be shown comically. The burning of the potatoes is a sight gag that has a dual purpose. It convinces us that Francine is not a robot and also that her flaws are humorous in nature. This is the lie. I am very concerned, especially when I consider statistics.
Get out there in the bus stations, the bowling alleys, the guided museum tours, the Oldsmobile dealership and all the other places you never considered finding love it. Get out of the piano lounges and start living, people. Get out of the piano lounges. There is no love there.