My mom calls me this morning and tells me we have to talk.

She's only ever said that to me twice. Once was when my uncle was killed, the other was when she grounded me for a month and nearly sold me to the circus. Naturally, I assumed this conversation was going to be bad.

She proceeds to tell me that she's found a man. My parents have been divorced for 12 years, and it's been no small secret among my family and friends that she needs to get laid. I think it will help her out a lot. So I tell her I think it's a great idea.

Then she says that's not all. She then tells me that it's a black man.

I thought I was going to fall off the couch.

I'm not a racist, but my mother's father was, and we've all kind of been living in his bigot shadow for a long time, even though he died 11 years ago.

This is going to be an interesting 4th of July.