I
commute about 115 miles to work round trip every day. This has recently started since I just moved in with my
boyfriend,
Fred. It takes me about an hour each way, and gives me ample time to think about whatever may be going on in my life (and of course what I will write in my e2
daylog).
This morning, Fred told me he had some nightmares about me cheating on him. This really upsets me. I understand why he would be insecure about that, since its happened to him before, but I'm here NOW. Not before. I feel he may think I would do something like that to him, and I would never even dream of it. I couldn't imagine not being with him. Its become so comfortable, yet each intimate moment we spend together is so precious and close to my heart. Why would I want to lose that?
I feel doubted at times. I am blaming this on PMS, since I feel the need to place blame somewhere.
Is it me? I think back to all of my past relationships. Most of them ended by the other person. I have never cheated. Sure, I may have thought about it before, but never actually did. I have been cheated on, and I know what it feels like. Especially when you catch your soon-to-be ex in your own bed with your soon-to-be ex best friend. My baseball bat met his Ford soon after.
I like to think I am a good girlfriend, a faithful companion, a true friend. I find all of these things in Fred, and think he finds those in me as well.
I'm probably overanalizing, waisting time dwelling on something that is really nothing. The only thing I can do now, is prove his dreams wrong.