An addendum to the guide, by men, for men. It should be noted that men picking up men in a sexual sense is in some places illegal and likewise in some places dangerous as hate crimes may result. Above all things be careful and be safe. Never let yourself be put in a position you do not want to be in (for instance, chained to the wall in a sadomasochist
Also, note that this is true at least of America. I do not claim to know how to pick up men in other countries, though I do know that it does not work the same way everywhere. For instance, in some countries, making eye contact with a man (while not talking to him) does not imply sexual interest.
HOW TO PICK UP MEN
The unOfficial Guidebook
Approach is everything. Be aware that your approach can be taken very differently in different places. In a gay club or gay bar, for instance, it is safe to assume that the person you are approaching has at least some sexual desire for men, even if you are wrong in that assumption. Unlike for women, if you are viewing a man at close range, or even if you are viewing him at long range, as long as you make eye contact with him he will be aware that you are checking him out. Often a simple smile after eye contact will let you know whether the man is interested in you approaching him, or if you should run in fear because he is now brandishing a baseball bat. I know he looks even sexier with that baseball bat, but trust me, it's wooden and you will get splinters, and he will not be using it that way for sexual purposes.
Appearance does not matter. Men have many different tastes, and it is impossible to satisfy all of them at once. It is impossible to give a universal "look" that will get all men in the sack with you, but here are some suggestions:
- Hair - Use some sort of styling product, no matter how your hair looks. It shows that you care about your appearance, and that seems to be the most important part. Suggested looks are either short and spikey or sort of long and droopy, like a shaggy dog. But remember, all men are different and prefer different hairstyles.
- Clothing - Clothing is overrated. Try to get caught up in trends if you think those trends are sexy, because the people who you find sexy will also be caught in those trends. If the setting is appropriate and you are not grossly overweight (or even slightly overweight), removing one's shirt is often a way to show that one has a sexual interest in one's agenda. Note also that wearing signature "gay clothing" can be effective in displaying one's sexuality in the approach.
- Shoes - Men do not care about shoes. Get over it. The best you can hope for is boots making you look butch, but to be honest, I can't remember a single pair of shoes that any of the guys who I've picked up have worn, and I've picked up a lot of guys. Seriously. A lot. My suggestion, wear something that comes off easily.
- Breasts - Avoid having breasts at all costs, unless they are manboobs, and by that I mean well-defined pectoral muscles. Muscles are a definite plus.
- Charm - Be James Bond. Especially if you can pull it off, making someone think that you are as heterosexual as they come while still somehow hitting on them. It will pique the man's interest much more if he thinks that you are heterosexual and either curious or drunk or just looking to get some action. Appear to be as heterosexual as possible, it's a fun fantasy for you and for him. If you can, you should be heterosexual. Try very hard at this, but always remember your goal is to pick up a man and this can be very difficult if you truly are heterosexual.
- Perkiness - Don't be perky. It's annoying, and a LOT of work. Don't be dark and brooding, either, unless you have dark hair, in which case it is okay. Instead find a healthy center, a sort of harmonic apathy.
- Attitude - Have one. Any one. Attitude makes you interesting, no matter what kind of attitude it is. Just pick one and go with it. Especially if it makes you more heterosexual.
- Breasts - Having breasts will almost always detract from a man's personality. However, having perky breasts could potentially be an ice breaker and pretty useful if you are trying to joke a man into bed. Note, however, that this writeup is not meant for transgendered people as I do not know what advice to give to them. Well-defined pectoral muscles are a viable substitute for personality.
No one cares about your etiquette
if you are merely looking for a one night stand. Otherwise, try to be considerate, but not too hard. Apathy, apathy, apathy.
Smoking - Try not to smoke. Try even harder not to flame.
Eating - Eat everything you can if you are underweight, eat nothing if you are overweight. Always make the guy think that you are the opposite of what you really are to try to counter the effects of reality.
Drinking - Also useful in pulling off the "I am straight" edge. What's the difference between a straight guy and a bi guy? Two six packs.
Breasts - Nobody cares about your fucking breasts!
Sex - Sex is obviously the most important part in picking up a guy. Note that even if seeking a long term relationship, sex on even the first date may be a good idea because it will grab the man's interest. However, do not base the relationship on sex, because that will never, ever work. Have sex whereever you want, whenever you want, and however much you want. Just make sure that you do not rape the man, and that he is a consenting ADULT. Just because someone is in an over 18 club does not mean that they are over 18.
Speaking - Action speaks louder than words. Well-defined pectoral muscles are also a viable substitute for speaking.
Make your final decision.
Leave. Repeat as needed.